TheCable

Hello Praise,

God bless you for the way you treat issues here. I love your practicality & pray God’s blessings rest on your family. I have been married for 3years and have only had sex with my husband once which was on our wedding night. I married as a virgin having been brought up in a godly family. I was very excited on that first night even though it was a bit painful but I later noticed that my hubby never touched me again afterwards. He practically moved out of our bedroom for no just cause and has not touched me ever since.

He has a male friend whom he had introduced to me as a business partner before now and they were quite inseparable. He started spending more time with him and he would come to the house to pass the night and they would share same room. Recently I woke up at about 2am and decided to check on them  & to my utmost dismay I caught the 2 of them having sex. Praise my world crumbled and don’t know what to do. I have spoken to my pastor & he is asking me to keep praying for his salvation and endure the marriage. How do I continue with a man who spends a lot on you but sleeps with another man?

Anonymous

Hello Dear,

I have been involved with quite a number of cases like yours recently about men who get married just to overcome people’s perception of their sexuality. Some marry a woman who they never sleep with but also ensures she never lacks anything while they continue with their sexual orientation.

My sister I don’t envy the situation you have found yourself at all but I don’t also agree with your pastor telling you to sit back and endure. No one is in your shoes and none knows what you go through. I often don’t like counsel that makes a woman helpless like a human being without a choice. Truth be told I am not sure things are going to get better in the nearest future if you don’t do something drastic. If your man is willing to change then you may endure to assist him change but if he unwilling and has not even owned up then you have to make a choice that empowers you and your future.

I believe the marriage was based on deception to start with and on that premise I am not sure there was a marriage. I’d advise you confront the matter gently with him but make sure you carry someone both of you respect along. Let him know you know why he hasn’t been touching you and allow him defend himself. His response should determine the next line of action but never rule out your freedom in case he is unwilling to change because you are a being with emotions who deserves peace and happiness and not a thing that must be used as a cover up for someone else’s irresponsibility.

He wants me to resign

Good day Praise,

Please I would love for you to throw this issue open, a woman is the sole breadwinner in the home because her husband is unemployed, out of the strain of all the responsibilities she’s shouldering she approaches her boss who’s very supportive & kind to give her husband a job no matter how base just so he can earn something two months after he joins the company out of jealousy that the wife is close to her boss he insists she quits & his salary isn’t even up to her own meager one. Is he justified? & should she quit?

Oluwatoyin

Dear Toyin,

I think you should have known the character of your man before helping him get a job where you work. I’d have preferred a situation where your boss would have assisted him with a job elsewhere because I can imagine how bruised his ego is  coming to work and seeing you attend senior management meetings with your boss while he works as a junior staff.

I think it is more of an ego and insecurity problem unfortunately the deed has been done but I also think he is taking it too far with his recommendation. A lot of men feel less than a man when they can’t provide for their family and that is a big issue & how they handle the situation eventually makes or mars the marriage. I’d advise you sit with him and reassure him of your commitment to him as a wife & your faithfulness to your marital vows. I expect him to be reasonable enough to believe you and I’d also suggest you assist him with another job elsewhere.

In case he refuses to tow the path of honour then you may ask him to give you 3 months to round up while you experiment how well you can survive as a family on his income. What that means is that you would not spend your earnings in the next 3months on anything that concerns the family and all of your would live solely on what he brings without compromising your current standard of living. If he passes the test then you may want to consider his counsel however I am sure there is someone in his life that he listens to and I’d advice you see the person so that he/she can call him to order.

God bless your home.