TheCable

You don’t. No matter how much signs he shows you, you just can’t tell if you’re your boyfriend’s main chick or if you’re the side fling. I would love to give you signs on how to detect such, but sadly too, I can’t and I’ll tell you why.

So he uses your picture as blackberry messenger display picture and you’re ecstatic and possibly convinced you are the main chick. Firstly, a lot of girls take this so seriously. There’s a belief that if a guy uses your picture as his display picture on whatever form of social media, you are very special and he’s wading the wannabes off that territory.  It means you’re the main chick, right? Wrong.

I have a friend who her supposed boyfriend had her picture used as his display picture and not only was she in a state of euphoria, it went ahead to stay on for another two weeks ─ bumper package. To her, this was a sure confirmation she wasn’t a side fling. But alas, one of her other friends with whom she shared the good news, asked a mutual friend of hers and her friend’s boyfriend about it and she got a shocker.

This mutual friend revealed that she is not her boyfriend’s display picture according to the update on his phone, even going ahead to show her the supposed boyfriend’s current display picture. To cut the long story short, apparently, her boyfriend has about four devices that use the blackberry messenger application and she just had the pin to one of them, which is the one that had her picture on it. Worse, that phone had only about two or three contacts.

So he calls you early in the morning to wake you up, he calls you up during lunch break and calls you to make sure you got home safe and sound and on the three occasions you spend a lot of time chitchatting on the phone… until duty calls. If you weren’t the main chick, where is the possible time to call whoever it is? That implies it’s just you and only you, right? Wrong.

I was fortunate to be amongst a girls squad who came together to rant on their dealings with guys. Apparently one of them had this exact situation to complain about. When she finished her rant, someone else countered what she said. She told the house that her male friend told her that before he calls any of his side flings, he makes sure he calls up his girlfriend first ─ first thing in the morning, during lunch break and after work.

In fact, anything he wants to do with his fling, he makes sure he does with his girlfriend first. And this doesn’t only happen to single folks, I’ve heard cases of married men who do same. If they want to get an expensive gift for their mistresses per demand, they get the same for their wives first (but that’s story for another day).

He spends time with you. That should be the ultimate deal, isn’t it? Wrong again sadly. He just is pretty good at delegating time for things. I had someone who couldn’t believe, even when she found out or herself that she was a side fling. It just wasn’t possible, it wasn’t adding up. He followed her grocery shopping, walked her back to her room from the eating hall, took her out, went to dinner, movies, etc. They virtually spent most of their time together.

She was amazed he had a girlfriend all along. Apparently his royal highness isn’t the outgoing type and he likes it that way; keeps the preys away. And so he isn’t afraid he would ever get caught. Even when he takes her to the club at night, he introduces her as his friend and they, out of loyalty, treat her as ‘the one’ and make her feel extremely comfortable. She feels so loved and lucky especially when she is amongst his friends as they welcome her as the iya ile. She goes to his house, cooks for him and his friends, stays over and services him. She has even met his family.

A friend of mine who stays over with her cousins noticed a pattern in the house. Anytime the senior cousin has a girlfriend, she stays over and the family refers to her as ‘our wife’ but unbeknown, she is just one of the many that has graced that title. Families will always back their own. They would allow you have all the fun, welcome you, make you feel loved and amongst but sadly that doesn’t guaranty you will be ‘the one’ when the time comes. Yes they know who the real wife is and when he is ready, they would carry wine to her house, not yours.

This happened to someone I know. Her story covers all the pointers I’ve stated above. She played hard to get for this particular guy, and then eventually agreed to see him. He called her regularly, saw her during lunch breaks and hung out with her at night. He used her as his display picture and she felt comfortable amongst his friends, so much that one started hitting on her. Sadly she didn’t see that as a sign and just assumed he was being nice because she was the one.

She met his family and always went to visit both at home and his house. It couldn’t get any better for her. But it didn’t. she woke up one morning to see a broadcast message from him announcing his engagement and introduction to his girlfriend now turned fiancée. She didn’t recollect him proposing to her so what could he be talking about. She read it properly to make sure he wasn’t helping a friend announce his or her engagement, but to her amazement, it was his.

She called up his friend that was hitting on her just to confirm what she had just read and he did confirm it was true. She asked why she wasn’t told, and he said he thought she knew and accepted her fate as a side chick.

A lot of people in happy relationships do not know they are side flings and sadly, I can’t tell you how to find out because you see these male folks have perfected the act of hiding it properly. You just can’t know, except of course through divine intervention because even saying the three words isn’t enough guaranty anymore. Anyone can say it, even to a dog.

So what do you do? I honestly don’t know. You can confront him, stalk him, get a private investigator to monitor his every move, try everything in the book but the truth is if you’re a side fling, you’re a side fling. You can opt out when you find out your status but that won’t stop him from picking another opinion as easy as he got you. You can only hope you’re not.