TheCable

I had woken up very early to take Toyin to Yaba. She has an IELTS test on Herbert Macaulay Way at 8:30 am and considering the unavoidable traffic in Lagos on a working day, I had to leave home at least two hours ahead of time. I am also aware that the earlier I leave home, the lighter the traffic on Lagos roads. I do not need to be told or tapped to wake up, I have been living in this city for 18 years.

I am used to waking up at the exact time I tell myself I want to wake up the next morning. My body system has been conditioned that way and it has made the use of alarm unnecessary to me. Once I say: “Israel you’re waking up at 5am tomorrow”. Gbam at five, I will wake up. Only a very few times, when I am extremely tired, do I wake up a bit late.

Toyin had already dressed up even before I woke up. It was her first time coming to Lagos all by herself. Like every other person, she has heard many stories about Lagos traffic, so she did not want to take chances or she did not want to disappoint her Ilorin people, moreover, I have told her the night before that we are leaving by 5:30 am. So when I woke up at 5:30 and knocked on her door to wake her up, I found out she was already dressed and good to go. I jokingly mocked her and called her JJC (Johnny Just Come).

I quickly dressed up and we set out at 6am. We started gisting about the Japa trend in Nigeria today and putting the blame on the bad leaders we are unfortunate to have who have succeeded in collapsing the whole system completely. We talked about how many Nigerians are doing well in institutions in Canada, the USA, UK, and Europe. We talked about insecurity, the ASUU strike, inflation, and lots more. When we get to a landmark or a major bus stop like Ojota, I would show her and give a little description.

It was a smooth ride on that Tuesday morning until we got to Yaba, less than 3km to her exam venue. While we were descending from the Jibowu bridge leading to Yaba, we met traffic due to construction going on there. As I tried to switch from my lane to the other, my car broke down and that was the beginning of a terrible experience.

It was a few minutes before 7am, and the incident happened just beside the Lagos State Traffic Management Authority (LASTMA) office. I immediately put on my hazard light and caution sign after which I started looking for a roadside mechanic or at least some boys to help me push it out of the road. While I was on that, in less than 10 minutes, two guys on mufti came and started making calls, apparently calling for a towing van. While I was away trying to get helping hands, my car was towed to the LASTMA office.

I got to the place, and met their Oga, he said my car caused traffic obstruction. I told him my car broke down and I was making a frantic effort to remedy the situation. I even came with the mechanic to the LASTMA office. He said I have committed an offence and I must pay, I asked him: “Pay for what exactly?”, and he said for towing my car. He even threatened to issue me tickets for the offence of traffic obstruction. In fact, immediately after my car was towed to their office, two of its tires were deflated. I ended up paying N20,000 in cash to the LASTMA Oga. I also paid the mechanic and paid for the vulcanizer.

Before that, I had asked Toyin to pick up her things and let me get her to her test venue by other means. She was already disoriented as her pleas met deaf ears and stiff resistance from the LASTMA officials. We boarded a tricycle better known as Keke Marwa, located the venue, and I wished her good luck while I returned to sort out my predicament.

The LASTMA Oga confidently told me that there is a law in the state as regards towing vehicles obstructing traffic flow on major roads. I googled and found it. But I was bewildered that instead of the traffic agency assisting a distressed driver in moving his/her broken down car obstructing vehicle to a safe position, they rather extort the car owners. This is an awful way of making money for the Lagos state government.

I also learned later that the towing fee is N10,000 for cars, but I was made to pay N20,ooo with my car tires deflated at my own cost. Is this also part of the law too? There are even cases where cars that break down on the Third Mainland Bridge pay as much as N50,000 to LASTMA officials.

However, this extortion is not limited to LASTMA alone. The truth is that nothing is normal in Nigeria even in our tertiary educational system, a process that is meant to be seamless, transparent, and driven by innovation is fraught with bribery, corruption, and unnecessary red tape. For instance, as someone planning to study abroad, if you go to your school to request your transcript, you will be extorted because officials there will tell you the normal process will take two or three months. When these anomalies pop up, people begin to cut corners to get the results they need.

Getting a transcript shouldn’t be difficult after all students paid tuition and even paid for the transcript – it is a big shame that our tertiary education system cannot even get this one thing right yet ASUU is going on endless strikes.

What about immigration? Renewal of international passports has been made to look like a tall dream in Lagos, you will be given the option of paying the official price and getting it in three or more months or paying much higher and getting it in a matter of days. People are forced to take the quick route — the illegal and corrupt route.

If we really want to fix Nigeria, it is not the sole duty of the president. We all must be responsible in our little corner, while the government must do away with laws that encourage extortion. For me, I have put that bad day behind me but that could be another day for someone else.

Ojoko, a writer and content editor, can be reached via [email protected]