BY BABATUNDEAKINBINU
A disturbing video recently surfaced online showing a man striking a woman — presumably his wife — with a table tennis racquet, in what appears to be a domestic altercation. The man, seemingly attempting to retrieve a small item — likely a mobile phone — from the woman, resorts to physical violence as she clutches it protectively. All of this unfolds in a shared family living room while children watch on in distress, one audibly crying. A third party, perhaps a relative or nanny, pleads with the couple to stop for the sake of the children.
The images are jarring. For many observers, the man is quickly condemned for what appears to be gender-based violence and wife battery—a justifiable reaction. Violence, in any form, is unacceptable and should never be trivialized. Yet, as a society genuinely concerned about family breakdown, violence prevention, and psychological well-being, we must look beyond the surface. What led to this moment of breakdown? What are the less obvious, but equally dangerous, forms of violence that often go unspoken?
When Marriages Become Battlefields
This viral clip reveals a profound collapse—not just of tempers, but of trust, love, communication, and mutual respect. In many homes, physical violence is the climax of years of emotional neglect, unresolved resentment, and passive aggression. The moment we see on camera is often only the tip of an iceberg.
The situation depicted suggests more than a spontaneous act of rage. It signals a marriage where suspicion has replaced trust. The woman’s refusal to surrender the item—possibly her husband’s phone—points to a deeper fear or intent to expose. It also shows the extent of damage done to marital privacy and mutual boundaries. The man’s reaction—resorting to violence to retrieve it—speaks to desperation, frustration, and emotional immaturity.
Gender, Power, and the Quiet Violence We Overlook
Public discourse on domestic violence often focuses on the physicality of male aggression—and rightly so. However, we must not ignore the psychological dimensions of abuse, including provocation, manipulation, and emotional withdrawal, which can be just as destructive. When a woman taunts, provokes, or invades her partner’s privacy repeatedly — especially in front of children or extended family —she contributes to a toxic environment.
This is not to justify the man’s violence, but to recognize that many marital battles are fought in layers—some visible, others psychological and deeply embedded in power struggles.
Marriages Without Love, Built on Transaction
Another issue this video highlights is the motivation behind many modern marriages, particularly in developing countries like Nigeria. A significant number of women marry primarily for financial security or societal pressure to start a family. Love, compatibility, and emotional maturity are often secondary. Over time, when the man’s financial priorities shift or he begins to default on expected “economic roles,” conflict ensues.
Some men, feeling emotionally distant or inadequate, respond by seeking attention outside the marriage—triggering a cycle of betrayal, snooping, confrontation, and sometimes violence.
A Call for Reorientation
What can be done?
1. Pre-marital counselling must be taken seriously: Couples should undergo structured, honest discussions about finances, fidelity, communication styles, and values before marriage — not after conflict arises.
2. Economic empowerment for women: Women should enter marriages with economic stability and not as dependents. This reduces the desperation to stay in toxic marriages “for the sake of the children” or survival.
3.Emotional intelligence and conflict resolution skills: Men and women must learn to manage conflict without violence, to walk away when emotions escalate, and to seek help from professionals and trusted elders.
4. Respect for Privacy and Boundaries: Trust and openness must be cultivated—not forced. Snooping on a spouse’s phone or retaliating with violence are both symptoms of a broken foundation.
5. Normalize Separation Over Violence: If a marriage is no longer safe, respectful, or functional, leaving is not failure—it is maturity. It is better for children to see peace apart than trauma together.
Conclusion
The video in question is more than a scandal —vit is a mirror to many homes. It forces us to ask hard questions about why people marry, how they communicate, and what love means when the honeymoon fades.
Violence is never the answer. But to prevent it, we must address the silent battles many couples face. Marriage should not be a prison, nor a battleground. It should be a partnership, rooted in love, respect, and mutual growth.
When that fails, the mature thing is not to fight—but to walk away, for the sake of one’s dignity, and for the children whose eyes are always watching.
Dr. Babatunde Akinbinu is the publicity secretary of the Nigerian Medical Association in Ondo state. He can be contacted via [email protected]
Views expressed by contributors are strictly personal and not of TheCable.
