‘Daddy, take care of yourself’

The words of my 19-year-old daughter were a wake-up call. We were in a supermarket, and I had just talked myself out of buying a favourite drink because it felt too expensive. I put it back on the shelf, but she immediately picked it up and dropped it in the shopping basket.

Moments later, she saw a healthy drink I used to enjoy but had long since given up because the price had nearly sextupled. “Take any flavour you like, Daddy,” she said. “Don’t worry, I’ll pay for it.”

I hesitated, not because I was not appreciative, but because she is a student with no income. Her generosity humbled me and made me realise how many parents, especially fathers, deny themselves simple pleasures to provide for their families.

It was a powerful reminder that fathers must take care of themselves. We must be intentional about our health and well-being so we can stay strong enough to carry the weight of our responsibilities. That much my daughter reminded me when she said, “Daddy, take care of yourself!” 

As a man, being intentional about self-care means taking conscious actions to improve and protect your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. And this is not just about relaxation or indulgence, but also includes establishing healthy lifestyles. Ultimately, as a man, self-care is about proactively caring for yourself to become a better version of who you are, rather than a luxury or selfish act. 

Now, the components of self-care for men include healthy habits such as eating nutritious food, getting enough quality sleep, and regular exercise; maintaining personal hygiene and visiting doctors when needed; taking hot showers or spending time in nature to clear your head; saying “no” to additional responsibilities when overwhelmed; and finding healthy ways to relax. 

Other components include being open about feelings, speaking with trusted friends, family, or professionals, and addressing the root causes of stress; practising gratitude or other activities to foster positive mental states; investing in relationships, spending time with loved ones, and engaging in social activities; as well as spending time on personal interests, journaling, or fostering spirituality.

The truth is that various reasons rooted in traditional gender norms and societal expectations explain why some men may appear to neglect their overall well-being. These influences are reinforced through social pressures, early childhood socialisation, and the media, encouraging conformity to rigid standards of masculinity, although this is beginning to change, especially among younger generations. 

For example, traditional ideals of masculinity often equate self-worth with being the primary financial provider. The pressure to succeed and meet expectations often leads men to overwork and neglect their health and see self-care as a frivolous distraction rather than a necessary investment in long-term success.

Again, many men are taught from childhood to suppress emotions and “man up”. Any emotional expression and vulnerability are usually viewed as signs of weakness. This leads to ignoring emotional distress and staying silent about problems, and this increases stress, anxiety, and the risk of suicide.

In addition, many self-care activities, particularly those focused on emotional or mental health, have been stereotyped as feminine. This prevents men from engaging in activities like mindfulness or discussing their feelings, fearing they will be perceived as less masculine.

Economic status similarly affects self-care for men by influencing their access to resources, lifestyle choices, and overall well-being. Lower economic status can limit access to stable jobs, social support, and even quality education, while higher status often correlates with better health outcomes and the ability to engage in health-promoting behaviours. Economic hardship also impacts mental health, which in turn affects self-care practices, highlighting a complex link between socioeconomic factors, lifestyle, and health.

Now, self-care is essential for men because it helps manage stress, anxiety, and depression. This leads to better emotional regulation and a healthier mindset. Practices like regular exercise, a healthy diet, and adequate sleep significantly contribute to physical well-being and a stronger body. By prioritising well-being, men build resilience to better cope with life’s challenges, both personally and professionally. Men who practise self-care are better equipped to handle emotions and connect with partners, family, and children. This leads to more fulfilling relationships. And making out for oneself can instil confidence and improve self-perception, boosting overall happiness and satisfaction. 

Many signs are often a pointer to the fact that a man is not taking care of himself. So, if you are a man, or if you are concerned about a man in your life, whether you are a wife, child, or friend, it is essential to watch for these signs of neglect. They include neglecting personal hygiene, changes in weight or appetite, fatigue, or frequent stress-related ailments like headaches and stomach aches. Others include increased irritability, mood swings, or withdrawal from social activities; increased use of alcohol or drugs to cope with stress; a decline in job performance; or withdrawing from loved ones. If you are a concerned party and you notice these signs, it is important to approach the person with empathy and without judgement because creating a supportive environment can encourage them to open up and seek help. 

It is equally important to challenge stigma, especially the idea that self-care is a sign of weakness—a harmful stereotype that keeps men from prioritising their health. Men need to understand, or be helped to understand, that self-care is not selfish but a necessary act of self-preservation and service to others. We also need to understand that encouraging self-care creates a more supportive environment for men to openly address their needs without judgment.

If you are a man and cannot, in all earnest, find a way to make self-care a priority, I believe it is time to reach out for professional support through therapy or other resources to receive guidance and support. 

In the face of the current harsh economic situation, it is vital that men find ways to take care of themselves so that they can be alive and healthy to provide for and take care of others. Efforts need to be made to do away with the stigma that puts men under more pressure, and strategies sought to make more effective use of lean resources, especially in these trying times. After all, it is only the living and healthy man who can fulfil his responsibilities as a husband, father, brother, son, uncle, or even a friend.

Ojenagbon, a health communication expert and certified management trainer and consultant, lives in Lagos.