BY Guest Writer
As I lay on the bed, adjusting my skirts to cover my thighs, my mind wondered to all I have read about fibroid. I made a mental note of several of my friends that had suffered the same fate. It had been tough. I sighed as the transducer probe roamed around my stomach. “I will opt for surgery as soon as I get the board role; definitely towards the end of the year but right now I must focus on the leadership program. I can’t afford to lose the opportunity of getting on the board, one more time. I just have to…”
“Madam, Congratulations! Waoh… You are three months gone. There isn’t a trace of fibroid like you earlier suspected but two beautiful lives budding gracefully.”
The words dislodged me off the thought rail. I raised my head and behold two distinct sacs graced the screen.
He pointed to them and kept explaining away. I swung my feet off the bed. The gel flowed all over my skirts. I tore at the tissue, yanking off a substantial quantity. The doctor held my hand to help me but I snatched away and wiped it off. The tears flowed freely down my face.
“Madam, what is the problem, ain’t you happy? I adjusted my skirts, slipped on my heels and left with the doctor on my trail.
“Doc. How on earth can I be happy? I have two kids already. The younger is still a baby. I just got back from maternity barely a year. I have lost two opportunity of being promoted because I wanted to raise a family. And now just when I am getting back into the groove of things, a set of twins.”
Many times women suffer career setbacks not merely because of being female, but majorly because of the responsibility attached to the role of being a wife, mother and having a great career. One of the major issues making leadership a challenge for women is the diverse needs of women aspiring to get there. Unlike men where performance seems to be the only shadow in the trail, a woman is defined by several emotional issues that surround her. The needs of a woman with toddlers vary from the needs of a woman who has a sick child, a child with special needs or teenagers. Unlike men whose major challenge maybe finance when they have a child with special needs, the woman/wife/mother is burdened by the financial and emotional needs which includes time to go in and out of hospital, energy to live up to expectations amongst many other things
Can a woman truly have it all? Yes I believe you can have it all but in “Phases” and calculated “Paces” which requires a lot of sacrifice. You can have it all when you recognize and agree that as a woman inspiring to lead, your route to the top may need to be customized to your need which may sometimes be different from the generic needs of a man or other women. How can we have it all?
One of the global distortions over the years has been the focus on making women become men by the Equality Agenda which was not done on a pedestal of balance; instead of strengthening women as women. In the equity agenda, the needs of individuals are not limited to or entirely defied by gender. The “Equity Agenda” will recognize both the needs of women who decide that family and motherhood is not for them and the needs of women who want to have both sides of life. One major challenge of most women raising a family is the seamlessness of returning to career after a break of few years. The competency and the ability to continue is often questioned when the gap is staring a recruiter or boss in the face. If workplace can write an exclusive policy of seamless return to work after a break, then more women will have the opportunity to phase their life accordingly. If women can fill in the gaps with some kind of professional qualification during this period, it will also be value-adding. If organization can design a re-boarding program for women returning to work after a break, then this will also be beneficial. In the case of women who decide not to raise their own family, they are still often saddled with extended family responsibility or sometimes female related health issues which sometimes are daunting because of the physiological make-up of a woman. Women generally may require a different treatment enroute the leadership journey.
The New workplace is a departure from the brick and mortar which confines and situate presence to a single location. The workplace is largely been redefined and reinvented by the advent of new technologies, the overbearing attitude of the digital and the new socialization medium, the social media. It is an upgrade to what was in existence especially for individuals that embrace change and detach performance from a specific way of working. However, this fluid and flexible nature of the new workplace which is supposed to be very beneficial to the female workforce has been largely underutilized by them. This is due to the fact that most women seem technology averse and digital resistant. This is the same reason responsible for the drought of women in certain technology driven industry. How can we resolve this problem? Women need to be more technology savvy than they currently are. Technology and all it attendant peripherals needs to be demystified before the community of working women, so that they can benefit from the flexibility of the new workplace. Women need more education, exposure and professional experience in these areas.
There is an issue of “identity workspaces” Competence is often not the barrier most women need to surmount. We indeed have many women who are smart and savvy. But these women are also called overbearing whenever they choose to be assertive. The same workplace that gives credence to men and tag their assertiveness right, calls a woman imperious when she stamps her authority. But how can we override this subtle generation of typecast that recognize the competence of women but deride their relational skills because of a general distortion in the behavioural expectation?
Women need to form a congregation of women who have shared believes. Women need to join social support groups where experiences can be shared. Women need to join professional organization where notes can be compared, experiences shared and solution brought to the fore. This is not a group where the victim mentality will be pampered but with the sole purpose of dealing with the realities of common issues and challenges. It will be groups where more female leaders will be enlisted into an army of great women and the hall of fame of achievers. But most women avoid networking or shy away from similar opportunity because they question the integrity, genuineness and authenticity. Most women question these variables because their position and stance of discussion or opinion often stems from the emotional. Most women also lack the ability to draw a firm line between professionalism and friendship. We must admit that Women need Women, because we walk in some similar heels of struggle, so it’s easy for us to show the ropes to other women aspiring to lead. Women must also admit that we need to brace up and take our place because time and chance will happen, and when it does, we had better be prepared to take the reins. Remember it is not the aspiration for perfection but the genuineness that is required.
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