TheCable

The 30th edition of the Africa Cup of Nations (AFCON) begins in Equatorial Guinea from January 17 with the defending champions Nigeria not in participation.

The Super Eagles, (mis)led by Stephen Keshi, crashed at the qualifying stage of the competition after placing third in a group comprising South Africa, Congo, and Sudan.

So, how will Nigerian soccer fans and players cope while the AFCON is on without their darling Super Eagles?

As it were, it wouldn’t be all gloomy as there are one or two countries a typical Nigerian football lover can call his own.

Old loves die hard so Chelsea fans can inherit Cote d’ Ivoire because of Didier Drogba despite his international retirement.

The one-in-a-thousand Manchester City fan in the country could also root for the Elephants because of a certain African Player of the Year.

Those without any form of allegiance can tow the path of olote aka bad belle and support any team playing against Ghana or South Africa.

The others can enjoy the game.

The Super Eagles players will be involved with their clubs during the AFCON so they are occupied as well.

That leaves out Stephen Keshi.

So, what did the Big Boss do during the duration of the AFCON?

Gladly, we now have a diary of his unAFCON events after the event of the AFCON!

JANUARY 17

Opening ceremony

Group A

Equatorial Guinea v Congo

Group A

Burkina Fasov Gabon

Of all the least important things in the world, football is the most important. That was before. For now, election is the most important. I was on the train of the People’s Democratic Party state rally in Awka and Owerri. Nations Cup? What’s that!

JANUARY 18

Group B

Zambia v Congo DR

Group B

Tunisia v Cape Verde Islands

I needed to be smart and fully implement the knowledge I gained from the book – 48 Laws of Power. I was in Niger and Kaduna but this time shouting ‘’change, change” with a broom in one hand and a green-white-blue flag in the other. You didn’t recognise me? I was the one in a bowler hat and sun glasses!

JANUARY 19

Group C

Ghana v Senegal

Group C

Algeria v South Africa

There’s no better time than now to read great books on some coaches whose job I’m eyeing. Though I heard it’s full of errors, My Autobiography by Sir Alex will be first. Wow, 402 pages? Better get started. Algeria beat South Africa? I de laff ooooo!

JANUARY 20

Group D

Cote d’Ivoire v Guinea

Group D

Mali v Cameroon

I couldn’t go past page 13 of Sir Alex’s book, had a better idea – a big book idea. Recopied the Bible substituting my name for God.  “In the beginning Keshi created the heavens and the earth…” I’m not called the Big Boss for nothing!

JANUARY 21

Group A

Equatorial Guinea v Burkina Faso

Group A

Gabon v Congo

Went for a mid-week service with MY BIBLE and read a different version of Numbers 12:13 which elicited stares from those who heard what I read. Don’t think I will go to that church again.

JANUARY 22

Group B

Zambia v Tunisia

Group B

Cape Verde Islands v Congo DR

Month end is approaching. Called Amaju Pinnick, the Nigeria Football Federation boss, to remind him of my salary.I’m the Super Eagles coach. I’m working even though you can’t see what I’m doing.

JANUARY 23

Group C

Ghana v Algeria

Group C

South Africa v Senegal

Defaced political campaign signs. Lagos is littered with political campaign signs wonder what LASAA are doing about these ‘vote this vote that’ billboards and posters everywhere. Passed by Sheraton hotel in Lagos and still saw one belonging to a governorship aspirant who had few votes after he was Amboded last December at Onikan stadium. Put my paint and brush to good use.

JANUARY 24

Group D

Cote d’Ivoire v Mali

Group D

Cameroon v Guinea

I was at a funeral of a long-distant-glad-to-be-forgotten friend. Never knew what came over me (maybe the joy of South Africa’s loss yesterday was still boiling in my system) but I started telling jokes there. His widow laughed, though.

JANUARY 25

Group A

Gabon v Equatorial Guinea

Group A

Congo v Burkina Faso

The game would have been up today and my inter and intra party activities would have been exposed! Both political parties asked me to join them for their respective rallies and despite my mischief with MY BIBLE, I’m not omnipresent. They both cancelled the engagements with paid and unpaid crowd. God (no substitute this time) indeed answers prayers!

JANUARY 26

Group B

Congo DR v Tunisia

Group B

Cape Verde Islands v Zambia

Picked up another book to read today – Mourinho, Anatomy of a Winner by Patrick Barclay – and it proved more interesting than Sir Alex’s. The book is a winner like Mourinho. Like me.

JANUARY 27

Group C

South Africa v Ghana

Group C

Senegal v Algeria

The joke was on SuperSport today. They thought I had been following the AFCON in Morocco (who I said are the host, LOL) and expected me to preview today’s first game. When I mentioned Ossei Kuffour, they thought I was referring to the one in the studio who has since quit the game over a decade.I was referring to his playing days!

JANUARY 28

Group D

Guinea v Mali

Group D

Cameroon v Cote d’Ivoire

Salary on my mind. Paid a visit to NFF secretariat. Ignored all questions on the AFCON (never knew Ghana lost to South Africa) but rather spoke extensively (disinterestedly mind you) about my Russia 2018 World Cup plans for the Eagles. And as if it was an afterthought, I said: “Yet to get an alert!”

JANUARY 29

Match free day

Yipeeeee! Can now focus on more important things.

JANUARY 30

Match free day

Copy and paste!

JANUARY 31

Quarter Final

Group A Winner v Group B Second Place

(Congo v Congo DR)

Quarter Final

Group B Winner v Group A Second Place

(Zambia v Equatorial Guinea)

Still no alert from my bank. Called my account officer to know the problem (don’t want to sound too desperate so ignored the urge to call Pinnick). She reminded me it was a Saturday and they don’t normally go to work on that day but “being a VVIP customer”, she promised to get back to me later in the day. She didn’t.

FEBRUARY 1

Quarter Final

Group C Winner v Group D Second Place

(Algeria v Cameroon)

Quarter Final

Group D Winner v Group C Second Place

(Ghana v Cote d’Ivoire)

First day of a new month brought unpalatable memories. I have made a lot of enemies out of my fellow coaches who are disgusted with me holding on “desperately” (their words not mine) to my job. It was time to reconcile our differences. Sent postcards to Shaibu Amodu, Christian Chukwu and others who said I should resign as Eagles boss. Forgive them because they do not know what they are saying or is it doing? Never mind!

FEBRUARY 2

Match free day

Good riddance! I can now do my normal daily chores.

FEBRUARY 3

Match free day

Copy and paste!

FEBRUARY 4

Semi Final

Quarter-Final 1 Winner v Quarter-Final 4 Winner

(Congo v Cote d’Ivoire)

I caused a power failure!

FEBRUARY 5

Semi Final

Quarter-Final 2 Winner v Quarter-Final 3 Winner

(Zambia v Algeria)

Let me explain what happened yesterday. NEPA or PHCN or DISCO or whatever their name is got on my nerves by providing regular supply of electricity. Imagine it didn’t blink for 72 hours and I got irritated with the ‘political campaign’ electricity. Went to the pole (will cause more havoc with the homophone on Valentine’s Day) and the rest they say is geography!

FEBRUARY 6

Match free day

No PDP rally to attend. No APC rally to attend in disguise. No AFCON games to watch in disdain. Slept throughout the day.

FEBRUARY 7

3rd and 4th Playoff

Semi-Final 1 Loser v Semi-Final 2 Loser

(Congo v Zambia)

Salary still unpaid. Put a call across to GEJ to ask for his intervention. Okupe picked. Said I should call back. Did. Line engaged. Tried again later. Network busy.Tried yet again. Line switched off.

FEBRUARY 8

Final

Semi-Final 1 Winner v Semi-Final 2 Winner

(Cote d’Ivoire v Algeria)

Broke. Bored. Alone. Re-arranged all the books in my library. Did a crossword puzzle without recourse to the dictionary. Tried GEJ’s line. Network busy. Unscrewed all the light bulbs and rearranged the furniture. Called the police and confessed to a crime…that didn’t happen. Corrected typos in the dictionary. Called GEJ again. Line switched off. Champions Algeria. Would have won a back-to-back AFCON; got the Algeria job but time was too short to accept and prepare the team for the tournament. Called GEJ yet again. He picks. Credit alert from my bank!