Mayweather v Pacquiao: Barclays Premier League predicts winner

May 02

00:58 2015

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Now that we have made you click the story because of the – well, you could call it – misleading headline, here is the winner of the fight of the decade (century? no!) according to the Barclays Premier League.

We are not interested in the views of boxing analysts or the outcome of the fights against same boxers they fought in the past.

We are interested in…mirror image!

We invited all the players in all 20 clubs in the BPL for a snapshot and with the aid of a mirror and our memory; we have arrived at a winner of the most talked about boxing bout in ages.

ROUND ONE

Danny ‘Mayweather’ Rose

The Spurs player outpunches the Pac-Man in this round. Advantage Mayweather!

ROUND TWO

Shay ‘PacMan’ Given

The resemblance is not striking, but Given gives the Filipino the round to the delight of Baba Ijebu and NairaBet stakeholders!

ROUND THREE

Jason ‘Punch on’ Puncheon

The fight is looking similar to the result of the last presidential election in Nigeria. If you Rivers me, I will Kano you. Givens gave, but Puncheon punched on in favour of Mayweather!

ROUND FOUR

Andre Wisdom

The wise money is on Mayweather and Andre Wisdom of West Brom is a wise man! The teammates of Brown Ideye, who despite the colour of his skin and numerous uncles in America doesn’t look like the Money, extends the lead for the American. 3-1. Advantage Mayweather!

ROUND FIVE

Eduardo ‘PacMan’ Vargas

Mayweather is from Las Vegas, the venue of the bout, but QPR’s version of the name Eduardo Vargas despite the bandage wrapped round his head wins the round for the PacMan. Game on!

ROUND SIX

Moussa ‘Money’ Sissoko

Moussa Sissoko sure knows where is bread is buttered! He looks like Mayweather. He wears the boxer’s nickname on his chest as well. And, yes, he wins the round for the undefeated pugilist!

ROUND SEVEN

Mauro Zarate

Manny Pacquiao is chasing shadows and, erm, the fight. But he can count on Zarate, who uses his knowledge of karate, to swing the round in his favour. It’s still 4-3 in favour of Mayweather, though.

ROUND EIGHT

Jermain Defoe

Jermain Defoe is no German but he delivers the killer punch that sends Manny packing in the eight round. The Filipino tries to beat the referee’s count to no avail. Going, going, gone!