TheCable

For a Manchester United fan, the memory of the retiring-from-the-Barclays Premier League-Steven Gerrard can be summarised in a popular idiom: what goes around comes around.

Or better still: God has a wicked sense of humour!

A great midfielder no doubt but when I think of Steven G (shhh…this is between us: I’m a Man U fan), I don’t remember the caps he won with England. I don’t remember the trophies he won with Liverpool. I don’t even remember – albeit mischievously – the zero Premier League title in his closet or the 3-1 loss to Crystal Palace in his farewell game at Anfield.

I only remember two games against Chelsea in 2007-08 and 2013-14 seasons. Both at Anfield.

It was a two-horse race for the title between Man U and Chelsea in 2008.

The Blues were due in Anfield needing a win to boost their title bid in a venue of unpleasant memories. But Gerrard didn’t need to have read The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli or The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene to know that “the enemy of my enemy is my friend”.

His “assist” to Didier Drogba from his own half of the pitch earned Chelsea the lead and the win and the title, eventually.

But God was watching not from a distance like Mariah Carey sang.

In 2013-14 season, Liverpool were three games away from their first Premier League title. The English press and other neutrals – of course, excluding Everton and Man U fans – wanted Gerrard and co to win it.

Chelsea had a mathematical chance of winning the title as well but Manchester City had a more realistic chance. But it ended dramatically with Gerrard the key actor – yet again.

Jose Mourinho arrived at Anfield content with a draw and when he’s in that mood only a parked bus can do the trick. It did but they got more than they bargained for!

Captain Fantastic Steven Gerrard provided an “assist” for Demba Ba and Chelsea’s first goal. Gerrard’s slip – the big slip – remains the stuff of legends!

Goodbye, Steven G – God indeed has a wicked sense of humour!

BEAUTY AND THE FIT

It’s no longer news that Adams Oshiomhole, the governor of Edo state, exchanged marital vows with former Cape Verdean model Miss Iara (or is it Lara) Fortes last Friday.

What’s news is that few hours after signing the dotted lines at a private marriage registry attended only by family and a few friends, the governor participated in the 10km Okpekpe VIP race. He even came tops with a time of 88 minutes!

And who can blame him for crowing afterwards.

“To do 10 kilometres after the wedding assured me that I am capable and strong to what young people can do,” he said.

“I want to congratulate myself just as the winner congratulated himself, because doing the 10km after all the activities of yesterday reassured me that I am still fit.

“For all us of who participated in this competition, you will observe the beautiful scenery, greens all over the place, beautiful valleys, lovely hills you will think that you are in San Francisco.”

Or in Cape Verde with a Cape Verdean beauty!

Beauty

And the Fit

A FOR AMERICA, B FOR BURUJI AND BLATTER…W FOR WANTED

Eddie Murphy’s award-winning movie Coming to America is not on the list of must-watch summer movies of Buruji Kashamu of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) and Sepp Blatter of the people’s undemocratic party (FIFA).

The word America sends shivers down their 150-year-old spines!

US Department of justice said the case of alleged drug smuggling against Kashamu was still on and the suspect very much wanted.

“It’s a case of mistaken identity,” Kashamu said.

“Tell that to the marines,” Olusegun Obasanjo interjected (though I put those words in his mouth)

Now, his Blues brother (remember B for Buruji and Blatter) is said to be concerned about entering the United States due to an ongoing FBI investigation into the governing body’s awarding of the 2018 and 2022 World Cups to Russia and Qatar, respectively.

So, how can Luis Figo and other candidates’ use this to their advantage in the forthcoming FIFA election where Blatter is gunning for a fifth term?

Should they:

1. Convince all member confederations to insist on staging the election in San Francisco?
2. Convince Barrack Obama to annex Switzerland for a day – the Election Day?
3. Hoodwink Blatter into Going to America?
4. Accept the impending defeat in the election?

If I were Figo and co, I will go for the last option.

Afterall, OBJ couldn’t even stop the now to addressed Senator Buruji Kashamu at the polls.

DELE’S UNQUADRATIC AGE EQUATION

Dele Ajiboye’s recent interview with Soccer Star newspaper shows that you can fool FIFA and MRR scan in 2007 but you cannot fool an observant reader in 2015.

In the chat with Bolaji Okunola, the Golden Eaglets gold medal winning goalkeeper in the FIFA U-17 World Cup in 2007 inadvertently revealed he was older than he claimed eight years ago.

When asked about his role model as a professional goalkeeper, the Kwara United keepere revealed the person without much fuss.

“I have many role models. Anyone I learn from is my role model,” he said.

“I could remember when I was still a young boy; I do watch Peter Rufai and I learnt a lot from him.”

Ajiboye is 25 now and 17 in 2007 but I doubt he was referring to the Peter Rufai of 1998 World Cup.

Nobody learnt anything fruitful and meaningful from Rufai of 1998. Even Ajiboye at age eight couldn’t have learnt anything worthy from the fumbling Dodo Mayana except, of course, how to make cheap goals look spectacular.

Then, I am assuming Ajiboye was referring to the Rufai of 1994 Africa Cup of Nations and World Cup. But in 1994, Ajiboye was four!

So, tell me: who was your role model when you were four and probably still crawling on all fours?

Rufai and Nigeria concede four against Denmark in France ’98

TO BITE OR NOT TO BITE…

…is not the question for Luis Suarez when he comes face-to-face with Giorgio Chiellini in the UEFA Champions League final 12 months after the incident at the World Cup in Brazil.

Suarez v Chiellini

An 11th Commandment of Thou Shall Not Bite was reported to have been inserted in his contract with Barcelona. This was a necessary, and hopefully, a sufficient clause to erase the urge to bite anyone on the pitch especially the Italian who must have tasted like Asado, the favourite cuisine in Uruguay during the World Cup.

Suarez could choose to avoid the Italian completely and attack Juventus from the wings instead of centrally. But then, who’s waiting for him at the flanks? Patrice Evra another foe donning the white and black of Juve!

Suarez v Evra

Colour was the issue between the duo during a Barclays Premier League game when both were still with Manchester United and Liverpool.

Later, handshake became the problem.

So, to shake or not to shake that’s the new question for Suarez – one of the quartet in Barca’s menacing MSN combination in attack.

MSN, erm SNM here

Suarez does not co-own a TV station yet, but he’s the “S” in the lethal combo with Messi and Neymar. For Juve, therefore, to defend or not to defend is the question.

The Old Lady of Italian football shouldn’t panic, though. They can make temporary use of an old fox, one Jose Mourinho!

“Whatz wrong in parking za bus in za final.”