Octopus Wike and the PDP

Octopuses are considered by biologists to be very crafty, clever, cephalopods, who have multiple brains and three hearts, and can easily manoeuvre their ways around even the most difficult circumstances. These Einsteins of the Deep can be very playful, but you can only underestimate their resourcefulness at your own peril. They can dance in and out of difficult situations, even through very narrow apertures. They can change the colour of their skins, in a tricky manner, and can perform magic with their eight legs. They are very adaptive. They don’t give up once they set their minds on a goal. Even though Octopuses are considered a special delicacy in many parts of the world, they are all venomous, not only the famed blue Octopus, and they have a very sharp mouth. When they strike, after being provoked, the effect is mostly fatal. And when captured and prepared for eating, if they are not prepared properly, they can still cause pain even in death.  

Octopuses are usually solitary animals, but when they live in groups, with fish for example, and interact with others, they are mostly known and likely to exhibit symptoms of narcissistic psychopathy, in an attempt to compete and dominate.  They are essentially predatory but they are highly intelligent animals with both short and long-term memory. In popular literature, the Octopus is often represented as an antagonistic animal either in the novel, Gravity’s Rainbow (1973) by Thomas Pynchon, or the 1948 adventure film, Wake of the Red Witch, directed by Edward Ludwig. It is not for nothing that Octopuses have naturally acquired a celebrity status for their intelligence as an animal oracle.

In 2008, an Octopus named Paul correctly chose the winning teams in four of Germany’s six Euro 2008 matches and seven of their matches in the 2010 FIFA World Cup. Paul also correctly predicted Spain as winner of the 2010 FIFA World Cup final. He was quite a notorious Octopus who acquired a legend status with a statue erected in his name at the Sea Life Aquarium in Oberhausen, Germany – a six-foot replica of Paul clutching a ball as a soccer avatar.  

In 2018, another Octopus, Rabio, was also used to predict matches for the Japanese team. Rabio correctly predicted Japan’s group stage games at the 2018 FIFA World Cup. But after the competition, the Japanese fisherman who had caught it, sold it. It was eaten.  It was not as lucky as Paul, who featured in films, had a Google Doodle named after him, and a statue erected in its honour. I mix up the registers, “it”, “his” – this is meant as a metaphorical indication of the uncanny correspondence between man and nature, about how certain animals exhibit characteristics that can be found in human beings to the extent that even human beings acknowledge this as a fact of human reality, and the similarities with the animal kingdom, perhaps written into the evolutionary and creationism code.

This subject has been explored further in such books as Of Animals and Men: A Comparison of Human and Animal Behavior by William Bixby (1968); Dog and Human Behavior: Parallels-Similarities by C.W. Meisterfeld and Ernest Pecci (2000); and Not so Different: Finding Human Nature in Animals(2016) by Nathan H. Lents. 

Without any disrespect or malice intended, it seems to me that the present minister of the Federal Capital Territory (FCT), and former two-term Governor of Rivers state, Nyesom Wike, seems to be exhibiting the characteristics of an octopus in terms of his role within the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP), confirming the theory, either at the state level in Rivers, his home state or the national level. Wittingly or unwittingly, the fellow has turned himself into an octopus within the party and by extension in Nigerian politics. He is, to many who know him, a very friendly host, brother, companion and a great conversationalist.

There is never a dull moment around Wike. He knows how to entertain. He knows how to make his friends happy.  I knew him at a fairly close range, as a jolly good fellow with an abundant sense of humour and a kind heart, until he left Abuja to become the governor of Rivers state. The moment he became governor, he changed his colours. The same man who was taken by Dame Patience Jonathan to elder statesman Dr. Peter Odili for anointing as an incoming governor changed his colour and character. The same man who served former governor and former Minister Rotimi Amaechi as an ally and chief of staff became something else. 

The venomous Octopus in him came to the fore when he began to demolish the properties of anyone who dared as much as to express a contrary opinion during his tenure as governor of Rivers state. He had friends of course, but only if he was the dominant Octopus in the room who could have any fish for dinner or snacks. In the last Gubernatorial elections in Rivers State, he declared that he, and he alone would determine who could succeed him. And he did. He chose Simi Fubara, one of the boys he created and groomed into prominence. Fubara used to be his staff, his accountant-general, the boy who signed the withdrawals and monitored the accounts, and kept the records. Wike has never failed to tell anyone that Fubara is “his son”, whom he chose to be governor. However, problem began when Fubara and those elders and youths of Rivers who have all now gone into hiding, began to assert themselves. Fubara wanted to be his own boss. He no longer wanted to report to the boss. He wanted to be his own man. He was told that his wife is not inferior to Mrs. Wike. She is a woman too and she is First Lady. Fubara acted too early and too soon. 

The moment he began to listen to his new-found managers, the venom in Octopus Wike was instantly released. The travails of Fubara are of course very well advertised. The house of assembly in Rivers attempted to remove him as governor. He pulled down the house of assembly. The lawmakers defected to the ruling All Progressives Congress at the centre, making him vulnerable. He and his supporters went to court. Rivers state has not known peace since then. One day, one trouble! The politics of Rivers state has been a postcard for the evil of godfather and rentier, prebendal politics in Nigeria’s democracy, and Wike is at the centre of it.

The octopus, sweet as it is as a delicacy, does not like to be threatened or accidentally provoked. Fubara ended up with a declaration of a six-month emergency rule which removed him from office. The man who was appointed as sole administrator, Vice Admiral Ibok Ette-Ibas (rtd.), for just six months oh!, and he is from Cross River state, not Rivers oh! has been over-enjoying Fubara’s office, even his wife wants to be a First Lady, both under an illegal and unconstitutional dispensation. Fubara has since been reported as having gone to Wike with APC chieftains to beg and genuflect, holding Wike’s legs, kneeling down, prostrating. He has gone to see President Tinubu offshore, also begging. The youths and elders who were backing him are now silent. In fact, he has told them off. He says he doesn’t even want the job again, and that no one should fight on his behalf. He is tired of being governor, but he has not resigned. Fubara, angou alemou?  Eenango ke lelemoin? Or in Okrika language: Obori se bu chinbo? Let him interpret that. 

The octopus has eight legs. Even before the last general elections in Rivers state, Octopus Nyesom Wike already had one of his arms, one of his hearts and his beaked mouth in the affairs of the opposition Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). Put simply, he wanted to be a presidential candidate of the party or at best a vice-presidential candidate. He was out-manoeuvred by Waziri Adamawa Atiku Abubakar, and others who felt uncomfortable with his brand of politics. Wike adapted very quickly and phrased his position as an ideological preference for a southern candidate for the PDP – a northerner, Muhammadu Buhari having completed eight years in office. It was a clever phrasing and disguise of Wike’s personal ambition. He soon found allies within the PDP, and the G-5 coalition, a collection of anti-party PDP fifth columnists, was born. Together with his allies, openly and defiantly, they resolved to work against the PDP, especially in the presidential elections. And they did. Wike campaigned for the APC and Tinubu in the presidential elections. 

As he wished and designed it, the PDP lost the 2023 presidential election. Wike is not apologetic about this. He has been handsomely rewarded with the position of the minister of the Federal Capital Territory. He has since become something of an amphibious character, serving in an APC government and working very hard to destroy the PDP as a political party. He has refused to resign from the PDP, and nobody has been able to expel him. The octopus has both short and long memory. At every point since 2023, Minister Wike has not hidden the fact that he is out on a revenge mission against the PDP. He seeks to control and dominate the party. The latest that he has done is to declare this past weekend that he will not respect any agreements with the PDP going forward.

He is fighting Governor Seyi Makinde, who was a member of his G5, and also Governor Bala Mohammed of Bauchi State who at a time was his good friend. He says he will fight the PDP to the finish. He has since sealed off the Wadata Plaza, the headquarters of the PDP in Abuja on the grounds that the party is owing ground rent. He is minister of the FCT. He has the powers to do so. Sometimes, I actually believe that Wike is far more intelligent than the other gladiators that surround him in the PDP. They could have expelled him from the party long ago. But they have not been able to do so.  They have waited for so long, Wike who is openly romancing with the APC and the ruling APC President Tinubu is now threatening to destroy the PDP, and he is still a member of the party.

Like the octopus, he has dominated the PDP ecosystem! If tomorrow he demolishes the PDP headquarters in Abuja, there will be nothing amiss. He wants his own person as national secretary of the party. The acting chairman of the PDP says he is Wike’s friend. Wike’s entire relevance is owed to the same party, the same PDP which he wants to destroy. He was chairman of Obio-Akpor local government under PDP, chief of staff to Governor Rotimi Amaechi under PDP, minister of state for education under PDP, and two-term governor of Rivers state, again under PDP. He is unfortunately, the Judas Iscariot of the party. He thinks the PDP belongs to him to do with it as he wishes. He thinks he is bigger than the PDP!

The caveat emptor for Wike’s new-found friends in the APC, particularly President Bola Tinubu, is to beware. The octopus never changes its legs, its colour, its beaked mouth, its venom. It may be sweet today; it could be bitter tomorrow. Wike has one of his legs in the APC and his strongest armour is the patronage and the support that he receives from President Bola Tinubu. Naturally intelligent Octopus Wike never misses an opportunity to suck up to the president and to advertise his loyalty. The octopus loves safe spaces, and Wike has found one in Tinubu’s patronage.

His continued relevance rests solely on this. The moment Tinubu turns against him, as his arch-enemies wish, that would be the beginning of his retirement and the end of his relevance. There are red signals on display already. Wike is a minister under Tinubu’s administration. He has consistently failed the power test by trying to upstage the master. He holds more media conferences than President Tinubu. He even invites more journalists to media chats in which he does more of the talking, and the journalists just mop and hem and haw. His posters are all over the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja, in the same city where the president of Nigeria lives! He is practically the Saddam Hussein of Abuja. He even has more vocal spokespersons than the president’s team.

The octopus has a short life span, one to five years, but that is because octopuses breed only once in their lifetime and they die shortly thereafter. Paul the octopus died at the age of two and a half years. Rabio, the octopus was sold by his owner and he ended up on a dinner plate. Nyesom Wike is a human being, his DNA is different.

We wish him many more years of service but in terms of his fame and political career, I imagine it is safe to ask him: How far? What exactly is this all about? Whatever happens to Wike hereafter in the wild life of politics, it is clear that he is certainly one of the most colourful figures in contemporary Nigerian politics like Lamidi Adedibu (the exponent of Amala politics) and Anthony Anenih (“Mr. Fix it”) before him.