TheCable

I identify FULLY as a feminist. And I respect your choice, as a gender equality advocate, or as an all lives are equal advocate, or as a “men, too, are oppressed advocate”, or whatever choice, except feminism, that you have decided on.

I might not understand it, don’t agree with it, might find it absolutely difficult to understand that you don’t understand that feminism is really about the achievement of equality and equity for both sexes. I might never understand how you can’t see that if half of the world’s population are shut out, made unproductive through systemic and systematic policies of oppression, the economy can only be half productive (currently, sub-Saharan Africa loses around $95 billion a year due to gender inequality, frustrating the continent’s efforts for economic growth.) Yet I respect your choice.

I won’t tell you how to feel, how to react, how to be sad, how to be happy. I won’t tell you what emotions are appropriate to feel when a thief steals your latest IPhone. And that’s the reason I don’t understand how and why I am being told how to feel or respond to the idea that I can’t aspire to greatness because I am female. It is the reason I don’t understand the need to drown legitimate anger at oppression, the need to shut out voices that debunk dangerous stereotypes.

“Anger is not effective. You need to beg the men to listen. Calm down and talk,” etc are the patronising and condescending phrases feminists have been told.

But I have witnessed a group talking to another, really using the calmest voice, “dialoguing” on the severity of issues that plague women…unpaid labour, girl child marriage, domestic abuse, reproductive rights, inheritance rights, equality in the work place, really basic human rights, and all I heard is “our religion and culture do not permit these rights”.

So, I am confounded, and then ask, at what point do I stop begging for my rights as a human? At what point do you see there is something to be upset at? At what point do you realise that “being calm, not angry” does not work either? A privileged person never easily relinquishes those privileges even if it is the socially just thing to do.

Anger might be unhelpful but so are not speaking at all and being calm. Anger is, at least, justified and can be productive. It is, in the least, a coming to awareness of institutional injustice. It awakens a sense of responsibility to cause change and be part of change.

So, that is how I know it is okay if feminists want to “whine”. It comes from a place of anger from oppression. The anger that propels the decision not to accept the status quo.

What I consider fundamentally wrong is in the telling a rational adult (especially when it comes to making choices that are within the ambit of legality, common sense and progression) how to behave, how to act … “Do not whine, work rather than whine, choose option C because option A and B will never be available to you”. Wouldn’t that be the definition of abuse of human rights? In and of itself oppression?

The oppressor or the privileged who doesn’t not see how his privileges fuel oppression, the one that benefits from the status quo, would usually oppose change and never understand why the oppressed is tired of the status quo.

The oppressor, would go further in perpetuating oppression and without facing or understanding the others’ reality, give absolute ideas on how another being should act, what would work for another being.

The oppressor always justifies the notion that culture or tradition should be static – society has functioned this way forever, so must never change or improve. Of course, this is the reason Nigeria takes one step forward and nine steps back ward.

It is to cumbersome to challenge the norms that help us stay losers, that leave us in the least 20 in almost every development ranking.

So, on this International Women’s Day, 2017, I hope that everyone, regardless of sex, can challenge or at least question gender roles and their (non)benefits. I hope that everyone, regardless of sex, can be angry that domestic violence (against women) is still rife with up to 1 in 4 women having suffered domestic violence and the same number of men justifying it. I hope everyone regardless of sex can be angry that one in two under age girls are married, (Africa Health, Human & Social Development Information Service (Afri-Dev. Info).

I hope we all can be angry that it is been one year since our lawmakers refused to assent to the gender equality bill – A bill that seeks to promote fairness and justice for both sexes and adherents of all religions in Nigeria.

Don’t worry about feminists being angry, maybe be angry at social injustices!