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Is it right to have sex before going to church?

Is it right to have sex before going to church?
June 23
09:09 2015
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Dear Praise,

What is your take on a couple having sex before going to church. For instance, I discover my hubby doesn’t like having sex any time we have to go to church or the Saturday before Sunday because he feels it would reduce his anointing. I am not finding this funny at all and it is beginning to look as if I am sent to destroy his ministry by trying to have sex with him. Please what is your take on this matter sir?

Sesi A – Ghana

Dear Sesi,

Thanks for your question and the trust you have in us at TheCable to be able to do justice to this issue. I wouldn’t know the paradigm your man is operating with but I have met a number of people with the same beliefs. It is quite common among some religious leaders and it could have been part of the ministerial ethics that they were taught from the Bible school or it could have been borne out of personal revelation.

As a professional counsellor, there is no justification for a spouse’s inability to have sex with his wife except the two of them have come to an agreement to abstain for some time. I am not also sure I have read any passage of the Bible to back up his action.

Having said that, however, I would also want to believe he must have his reasons and since he is a minister as explained by you my humble suggestion is for you to allow him be. If he claims sex before ministration negatively affects his performance on the pulpit would you rather insist he engages in sex and performs poorly?

People are doing the best they can with what they know and until he catches a new revelation you may not be able to change the present one. I’d worry if you had said he starves you of sex but it is looking like the only time he is asking for space is before his spiritual exercise and I’d advice you let him be as long as he is willing to adequately service you after his ministration.

There are several religious taboos that people have and I have learnt to respect people’s choices and decisions because I am not in their shoes and couldn’t have known the motive and the revelation behind some of these decisions. I know pastors who never talk to anyone before they preach because they believe talking drains the anointing. So let’s learn to respect other people’s model of the world so that we can all experience peace. If you can discuss it once again with him to know if there are other reasons behind his abstinence from sex before preaching but should he insist it is a personal revelation I would advise you allow peace reign.

God bless and do let us know about your progress.

——————————————————

My brother in-law is making my life miserable

Dear Praise

I am so grateful for the matured way you have been handling this matters of the heart column and I pray to God to preserve you for us. I have been married for 3years but my husband decided to allow his brother to come live with us and I haven’t known peace since he started living with us from the first week of our marriage. He never assists with household chores and drops his plates for me to wash. I haven’t really complained about all these because I wanted to avoid a conflict but was stunned recently when my hubby travelled and my brother in law brought in his girl friend to spend the night in our home. He did not stop at that the so called lady went into my kitchen to cook for him and they spent the entire weekend doing all sorts in our home. I have reported him to my hubby but he hasn’t taken any action and this is upsetting my home. Please what is your counsel?

Tina E – Lagos

Dear Tina,

I don’t want to imagine what you could have been going through at this time but would also want you to know that you are not alone as there are several women in your position at the moment.

I think a lot has gone wrong from the foundation because there are things you are supposed to have agreed on before even getting married. Courtship is a period for interview and in-law relationships ought to have been trashed out but it seems there was no form of discussion or agreement before now.

I started this way because I always counsel newlyweds never to allow anyone live with them in the first year of their marriage so that they can properly bond and that lack of bonding has become so visible in your marriage at the moment.

The second aspect of your marriage I’d love to troubleshoot is the style of family government you guys run because I’d never for the life of me understand why an adult that should relieve you of domestic stress is the one creating stress for you.

Your home doesn’t belong to your brother in-law and living in your house and eating your food is not a right; it is a privilege. It seems this guy has no single respect for you and his brother and when situations are like this you and your hubby must take a position that protects your marriage.

The last person you want in your home is someone who would not submit to the authority of your home and be a positive role model to your kids. I’d suggest you raise some cash and assist him to rent a room so that he can start his life and do whatever he likes but if he must live in your house then he must learn to abide by your laws. Having said that I am a bit worried at your husband’s non responsiveness to this crisis. I’d need you to sit down with your man and talk through what is happening and how it affects the kind of home you want to build and the values you want to promote. Both of you must take a joint position and he must communicate your decisions to him.

Please do keep us posted and stay calm but insist on what promotes and protects your marriage.

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12 Comments

  1. Thomokglo
    Thomokglo June 24, 17:15

    It’s assured & it’s a misnomer to allow your brother in-law or whosoever to stay with newly married couples. However my advice is that this issue be treated with the urgency it deserves & the brother in-law be disengaged immediately by assisting him get his own apartment at whatever cost. Pls treat asap

    Reply to this comment
  2. oby
    oby June 25, 04:11

    A sound and wise counselor you are.

    Reply to this comment
  3. ayofatty
    ayofatty June 25, 07:00

    My dear sister
    Is good for a christian to eat after church service, if these is good while will a minister have sex on sunday morning just in the name of pleasing his wife. Abeg no kill your husband ministry.

    Reply to this comment
  4. omarich
    omarich June 25, 10:10

    You are not a bias counselor. its unfair for the guy to behave in that manner. the man of the house should act. i dont like staying with my inlaws but i usually help them when the needs arise.

    Reply to this comment
  5. Prof. Lee
    Prof. Lee June 25, 11:51

    Let the minister of God render to his wife due benevolence,as commanded by Scriptures, and she would not demand for sex at the wrong time.

    Reply to this comment
  6. femi
    femi June 25, 13:32

    Sex is a holy thing particularly when it’s done within marriage, it was founded by God , please note that it’s just a psychological thing because of the pronounced abuse of same

    Reply to this comment
  7. Sollex
    Sollex June 26, 07:26

    I agree with Femi, that sex is a holy thing within married couples I c nothing wrong in having sex before going for a service. But the whole thing is just psychological thing. Dear Sesi u just have understand ur man and bear with him since he still mks it up later on. And you should also know this, medical practitioners advises one to have sex at most three times a week. So inasmuch as u guys makes out up to three times a week then let him be.

    Reply to this comment
  8. Benny
    Benny June 26, 08:03

    Dear Tina one thing with u ladies is that once u are married to a man u think u own him in toto, his family members no longer hv a place in their brother’s house. Bt all these things bore down to understanding btwn d man, his spouse and family members.
    I will use myself as a case study, I am the last son of my three brothers and I hv lived with each of them together with their wives and currently I am stil living with one of them and we live in peace bt I will soon be on my own bcus a time comes in man’s life when he changes frm obi is a boy to bcum obi is a man. They said respect is reciprocal, their wives respects me and I respects them back. Probably you as the woman of the house u don’t give him his due respects, are u not dismayed y ur hubby is not reacting as a man of the house. Bcus I knw no man will want his wife or his home to b treated wit contempt. So I leave u with dz question to ask urself “What is it am I doing wrong?”

    Reply to this comment
  9. shoothigh
    shoothigh July 02, 12:33

    Their is no problem in husband and wife having fun any time, so far they had married only what matter is having bathing after everything. it makes love grow. when ever your partner want it please give it to her or else may be you are sick but don’t make it often or else your honey will be given to dogs out side. pray for good health, men this your number one assignment

    Reply to this comment
  10. amyedurichard
    amyedurichard May 29, 19:57

    how many rounds does anormal person(man)has to go in sex

    Reply to this comment
  11. Dan
    Dan November 26, 16:52

    hello my sister despite the fact is your husband is not very right for a man of God to have sex before going into sanctuary to preach , our God said he is a jealous God , sex is not really good despite you are doing it with your man but , truly god will turn back when you are doing it then after set and done he will turn , so leave him for that very single day thanks

    Reply to this comment
  12. Doublejoy
    Doublejoy March 28, 00:25

    I will advise you madam to let him has sundays. You both will enjoy the act spiritually. Any blessing been given to him for doing that for God will automatically get to you as wife. Have a better understanding marriage in Jesus name.

    Reply to this comment

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