BY Dayo Oladele-Ilori
On wedding days after vows are exchanged, women dance away their spinsterhood in ecstasy! They are now wives and the envy of their many single friends. But are they equipped for the journey ahead? They don’t have any survival kit or tips for the challenges ahead. What many brides do not know or were never told is that what they dance away is far more than “spinsterhood” or “singlehood”. The wedding gown also represents many more things than just a garment with beautiful studs and shining stones. After the ceremony, the beautiful wedding gown is removed and kept away. We remove the ceremonial wear that symbolises our “sovereignty”, “independence” and “freedom”. It represents our prime and marks our transition to the responsibilities of a wife and mother. Forget the 21st century Beijing clamour for women liberation. We were never caged in the first place, but marriage is just a different kettle of fish.
Wedding ceremonies are funfair that lasts a few hours or at best a few days, but marriage is the reality that is meant to last a lifetime. After the beautifully studded gown has been removed and the façade of the pomp and pageantry eases off to reality, most bride –to-wife is left completely naked without any form of covering; precisely without a “ Marriage Robe” – The “Robe of Patience”. If the bride’s mother/representative is a wise woman, the bride-to-wife should be presented with a symbolic oversize but beautifully embellished “Robe of Patience”. Her siblings should add about a yard or two of beautifully embroidered headgear representing her “Crown of Endurance”. Her godly aunties, cousins, and great friends should add another two yards to make a long scarf – “Scarf of Tolerance”
Newly married women who are in kindergarten classes, wives and mothers who are in college sophomores and their older counterparts who are in marriage PHD classes will continue to face pleasant surprises and appalling disgust. The shockers aren’t worth a state of comatose, but a warm hug from your robe of patience. Your knight in shining armour was never a god like you chose to see him. He is flesh and blood – a mere mortal who may snore all night, leave his dirty shirts and boxers in the living room or even test his masculine prowess in the arms of another woman.
Our “Robe of Patience” must be embellished and embroidered with acceptance – accepting what is in the package we chose! Many times we are carried away with the beautiful exterior. The content baffles our imagination and our discovery makes a nuisance of our smartness. If you accept the man you finally discover, you will find it easier to respect him. Patience also gives us the peaceful attitude to take good and informed decisions. Our robe should be big and magnanimous enough to accommodate many things. Patience helps us to be spirit-controlled rather than be self-controlled. We view things from God’s own lens and not from our cloudy perspective. Patience naturally endears peace and good health.
Peradventure you were never presented with the ‘Robe of Patience’, please choose an enduring fabric and sew one. Prescription: it must be at least twice your size. If you refuse to sew one, your in-laws and other marriage stakeholders will forcefully sew one for you. And guess what? You may neither like the fabric nor the style! You will need patience not only to deal with marital challenges but many issues of life which include working with colleagues at work, neigbours, friends and running the Christian race. For wives whose “robes of patience” are torn, endeavour to either mend them or sew a brand new one.
Did I hear you query me about “What-if-it’s-domestic violence?” That is a major issue that may tug at your robe of patience. Tough but straightforward – if it continues to happen with no ceasefire or remorse and active steps to stop, then do exactly what you will do when a mad dog charges at you.
Did I also hear you query me about the robe that should be given to the men? Sew yours first! Yes, they have their own robe too; that is a discussion for another day. Remember it is not about perfection, be genuine!
Oladele-Ilori is a wife, mother, a writer, an author, a management consultant and an entrepreneur. She is the convener of WELEAD –www.weleadnetwork.org. Email dayo.oladele.ilori@gmail.com
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