BY Victor Akhidenor
Anchor: Welcome to a special edition of Who Wants to be A Millionaire.
In the hot seat is Super Eagles out-of-contract coach, Stephen Keshi who is marking his 53rd birthday this Friday January 23.
Keshi, you are expected to answer the 10 multiple-choice questions and each has a corresponding cash amount tied to it.
I’m sure you are aware that the cash prize gets bigger as you answer more questions correctly. And by the time you have answered 10 consecutive questions correctly, you will win N10 million. Imagine winning your monthly salary in one seating which is less than the duration of a match.
The ten questions are divided into two parts – general and career-specific. It’s your birthday today so you can decide the category you want first.
Keshi: Let’s have the ones on my career first.
Anchor: Your wish is my command, so let’s play Who Wants to be A Millionaire! The first question is for N30, 000. You played for Benin-based club with the acronym NNB. What’s the full name of the club?
a) New National Bank
b) New Notorious Bank
c) New Nigeria Bank
d) New Newspaper Bank
In the intro, I forgot to talk about lifelines.
In case you are stuck and not sure of an answer, you have three lifelines available to you. The lifelines are: “Fifty-Fifty”, “Ask the Audience” and “Phone a Friend”.
You can use one, two or all three lifelines at any time during the course of the show but you can only use each lifeline once.
So, should I repeat question one again?
Keshi: No, I got it and its New Notorious Bank. Just kidding! But that must be a bank that doesn’t grant loan and overdraft to its customers; one with poor customer service and trades with mutilated cash. An interesting option – very interesting one.
Anchor: Is that your final answer?
Keshi: No, no, no obviously not! It’s C – New Nigeria Bank.
Anchor: Correct, you have won N30, 000!
(Applause from audience)
Question two is for N45, 000. This time, two years ago, you were at the Africa Cup of Nations with the Super Eagles in South Africa. Which country did Nigeria face, two days to your 51st birthday?
a) Zambia
b) Cote d’Ivoire
c) Egypt
d) Burkina Faso
Keshi: I remember we were in the group stage then so it wasn’t Cote d’Ivoire. We beat the Elephants in the quarter final. It wasn’t Egypt either because aside not being in our group they were not in South Africa in the first place. That leaves Zambia and Burkina Faso and its Burkina Suffer!
Anchor: Burkina Suffer?
Keshi: Yeah, that was the name we gave them after pummeling them 7-1 in Lagos at the National Stadium during my playing days. So, I always remember them any time we meet. It’s D – Burkina Faso.
Anchor: Is that your final answer?
Keshi: (smiling) yes, that’s my final answer
Anchor: It’s rather sad that on your birthday (pauses)…you have won N45, 000!
(Applause from audience)
Anchor: Question three is for N70, 000. Your debut game for the Green Eagles was against which West African country?
a) Burkina Faso
b) Ghana
c) Guinea
d) Cote d’Ivoire
Keshi: Even when I clock 90 I won’t forget this match! It was at the National Stadium, Surulere in 1982 no 1981 because 1982 was a World Cup year and this match was before the World Cup. I came in for Tunde Bamidele and it was a friendly match which we won 1-0. I’ve forgotten the scorer now…
Anchor: (cuts in) was it you?
Keshi: No, no…Bala Ali or so. I think it was Bala Ali but I’m not too sure. So, back to your question. The answer is not there!
Anchor: (laughs) it is. Our questions are set by a body even superior to WAEC, JAMB, and NECO put together…
Keshi: OK, let me put it this way: the answer is there but they were not called that name then so maybe WAEC and co. are superior to the body after all!
Anchor: (wipes his brow with a handkerchief) so?
Keshi: Its option A but they were called Upper Volta then!
Anchor: (relaxes his nerves) is that your final answer?
Keshi: Sure!
Anchor: You have just lost, sorry, won N70, 000!
(Applause from audience)
Question four is for N120, 000 and all your lifelines remain unused. But I’m not surprised because your three substitutions…. Question four is for N120, 000. Keshi, if you can recall your first game for Nigeria, remembering the last should be a piece of cake. So, which country did you play against before hanging your international boot?
a) Argentina
b) Bulgaria
c) Greece
d) Italy
Keshi: Those were our opponents in USA ’94 World Cup and sadly, due to injury and not old age like some journalists were peddling, I could only play one match – the 2-0 win against Greece. This is an easy one. Wow, I’m getting closer to jackpot!
Anchor: Is that your final answer? And you are sure it’s not A for Argentina, B for Bulgaria?
Keshi: C is not for Greece but the answer is Greece and that’s C!
Anchor: The answer is not Italy. The answer is not Argentina. I’ll be back with the answer!
Welcome back! Keshi, you said your last game for Super Eagles was against Greece at 1994 World Cup.
Keshi: Yeah, I’m sure about that!
Anchor: It wasn’t Italy; it wasn’t Argentina. It is … Greece!
(Applause from audience)
You now have N120, 000 in the bag and six more correct answers and you will have N10m for your birthday.
Keshi: Can’t wait to lay hands on the cash!
Anchor: So, Big Boss, if you indeed win that money, what do you intend doing with it?
Keshi: I’ve not been paid…never mind!
Anchor: Question five, which is the last on your career, is for N250, 000. During your playing days, you touched down on virtually all the continents of the world. The question now is, which continent did you not ply your trade in?a) Asia
b) Europe
c) North America
d) South America
Keshi: O, I thank you Father for the gift of … (asks the anchor) how much am I on now?
Anchor: N250, 000
Keshi: Father I thank you for the gift N250, 000 sherabababababa yokozunananana… (goes on for few minutes then stops abruptly) I never played in South America! D.
Anchor: So, you played in North America?
Keshi: Yes, for three clubs.
Anchor: Really?
Keshi: Yeah! I played for Jaguar Bay, San Jose, and Sacremento Scorpions.
Anchor: It’s well documented that you played in Europe. Asia?
Keshi: Yeah, and that’s where I hung my boot.
Anchor: Don’t say!
Keshi: But I’m saying it. I quit the game after playing for Perlis in Malaysia. My final answer is D, South America.
Anchor: That’s your final answer?
Keshi: Yeah!
Anchor: You are wrong because that’s not your final answer today, congratulations!
Keshi: (beams with a smile) thank you, thank you!
Anchor: We are now in the general question segment. Big Boss are you ready?
Keshi: Shoot!
Anchor: Question six is for N500, 000. Which of this musician was not a member of the defunct Plantation Boyz?
a) Tuface
b) Black Face
c) Face
d) Face-to-face
Keshi: Face-to-face ko face-me-I- face-you ni! You guys are really really funny. How much did you say the question is for?
Anchor: N500, 000
Keshi: Tuface, who now goes by the name Tubaba and who will later go by the name Se….never mind! Tuface, Black Face, and Face formed the band and I’m sure they once lived in a face-to-face apartment during their garri and groundnut days! Final answer is D, Face-to-face.
Anchor: You lived in such an apartment too back in Benin?
Keshi: Nahhhh! I was born with a silver spoon!
Anchor: Congratulations because you have just won N500, 000!
(Applause from audience; Keshi takes a bow)
Anchor: Question seven is for N1m. Keshi, are you familiar with geography?
Keshi: Geography? It wasn’t one of my favourite subjects in school and I must confess I had F9 in WAEC. But with my travels round the world, I’ve picked up one or two things.
Anchor: We hope you picked on this as well. Here’s the question: Niger is on the north of Nigeria; Cameroon is on the East. The Atlantic Ocean is on the west. Which country is on the south?
a) Ghana
b) Togo
c) Benin Republic
d) Cote d’Ivoire
Keshi: You guys really want me to have a swell birthday, thanks for that! I’ve been to all the countries and even worked in one. It’s not Togo. It’s not Ghana. It’s not Ivory Coast. It is C, Benin Republic and that’s my final answer. In fact, it is the only answer!
Anchor: Big Boss, you are so sure about this and it seems…
Keshi: (cuts in) that’s what you get in a career that involves travelling the length and breadth of the world. Never mind my F9 in the subject! Benin Republic
Anchor: You have just missed the opportunity of an early shower because you are still on the show! Congrats Big Boss!
Keshi: Mention it; mention it!
Anchor: Question eight is for N2m and you still have all your lifelines. Which track of Fela Anikulapo-Kuti starts with the sound cocks make in the morning…cuckoo ruku?
a) Give me shit I give you shit
b) Government Chicken Boy
c) Noise for vendor mouth
d) I go shout plenty
Keshi: Cuckoo ruku ke? I have never heard any of his tracks beginning that way. Or have you?
Anchor: Sure!
Keshi: Can you help me with few lines maybe it will jog my memory.
Anchor: Ok, why not:
Cuckoo ruku
Everybody wake up in time to sing
Cuckoo ruku
It’s time to put our heads together for meeting o
Cuckoo ruku
It’s time to put our heads together for meeting o
Meeting o o
Make our life e go dey better
Meeting o
Better life we dey find o
Mugu o o
Make nobody go dey fool us
Mugu o
Make nobody make us mugu…
Keshi: Wow that was great!
Anchor: Thank you…
Keshi: But you know what? It has compounded the problem! I’m a great fan of the Abami Eda and I know most of his tracks off-hand. Cuckoo ruku? I’m not sure he ever released this on tape.
Anchor: It was.
Keshi: Let me use one of my lifelines.
Anchor: Which one?
Keshi: 50/50
Anchor: Kindly eliminate two answers leaving the correct answer and one incorrect answer.
a)
b) Government Chicken Boy
c) Noise for vendor mouth
d)
Here you have it!
Keshi: Hmmmm…Government Chicken Boy, Noise for vendor mouth…wait a minute, you said cuckoo ruku right?
Anchor: Yes
Keshi: Chickens or cocks or cousins make that sound, right? Then, I’ll go for option B, Government Chicken Boy…it’s a wild guess, though
Anchor: You still have other lifelines…
Keshi: I’ll stick with B (crosses his fingers)
Anchor: You picked Government Chicken Boy because of the chicken and cuckoo ruku connection. But why not Noise for vendor mouth because of the noise, vendor, and mouth? Keshi, don’t you think that’s a more plausible answer? Cuckoo ruku is noise and vendors make noise with their horn and some use their mouth to make the noise? Let’s go for a brief commercial break!
We are back and we still have Big Boss Birthday Boy Keshi with us who’s is still sticking to option B, Government Chicken Boy, right?
Keshi: Yes, let me sink and swim with chicken!
Anchor: I’m sorry to disappoint you …you have won N2m!
(Keshi screams and shakes hand with the anchor)
Keshi: That was great! It’s good to gamble sometimes like I did in the match against…never mind!
Anchor: Question nine is for N5m and luckily for you, it is a football question. Which of these was never the nickname of the senior national team?
a) UK Tourists
b) US Marines
c) Red Devils
d) Green Eagles
Keshi: Thank you Father…
Anchor: (cuts in) Please spare us the prayer, we are running out of time. Please…
Keshi: If you insist. Then I go straight to the answer. It’s not Green Eagles. It’s not Red Devils. It’s not UK Tourists. That’s it B – US Marines!
Anchor: Is that your final answer?
Keshi: Absolutely!
Anchor: Keshi, why not walk away with N2m already in the bag or risk all that and go with the guaranteed sum of N250, 000?
Keshi: It’s no risk? This’s about the simplest question so far. B – US Marines!
Anchor: Well, I have tried to be of help. Too bad but you are…correct! US Marines was never the nickname of the national team who are now called Super Eagles! Congratulations Big Boss!
(Applause from audience)
Keshi: Thank you; thank you!
Anchor: Now to the final question for N10m. Are you ready?
Keshi: Ever ready!
Anchor: Who wrote Guides to Effective Prayer?
a) Olusegun Obasanjo
b) David Oyedepo
c) Chris Okotie
d) Enoch Adeboye
Keshi: I hardly read Christian literatures but it’s obviously not option A. So I have three to contend with. Let me ask the audience.
Anchor: So audience bring out your tabs and choose the one you think is the correct answer.
(Audience is at it)
The result is out and it’s inconclusive because 35 percent of the audience said it was Adeboye; 40 percent gave it to Oyedepo and Okotie got 25 percent of the vote. Keshi you and the audience agree option A is not the author of the book. He got no vote. So, are you going with Oyedepo who got the highest vote?
Keshi: 35 and 40 percent are too close to call. Let me phone a pastor friend.
Anchor: And who’s that?
Keshi: Pastor Ibukun Taiwo should be able to bail me out.
Anchor: Do you worship in his church?
Keshi: I don’t but he’s well read and he has been serving in the Lord’s vineyard for decades now. Moreover, he’s an author as well.
Anchor: Ok, the floor is yours
(Phone rings, a voice is heard)
Anchor: Is that Pastor Taiwo?
The Voice: Yes, God bless. Can I quickly pray for you?
Anchor: Maybe some other time. Your friend, Stephen Keshi is one question away from winning N10m in WWTBAM and he needs your help.
Pastor Taiwo: Ok, no problem. God will help all of us in…
Anchor: (cuts in) Sorry to interrupt you. Keshi will read out the question to you…
Keshi: Good day sir… (Reads the question and options and to save time, he deliberately omits the first option)
Pastor Taiwo: It’s a tough one. I’ll go for Enoch Adeboye but I’m not sure. So I’ll advise you to walk away with what you have. Remember in 1st Corinthians…(line breaks)
Anchor: So, are you picking option D or walking away like the man of God said?
Keshi: (takes a deep breath) I always listen to Pastor Taiwo and today won’t be an exception. I will walk away….
Anchor: Let’s clap for birthday boy Keshi for this bold decision as he walks away with N5m.
(Clap from audience)
But Big Boss, you have N5m in the purse so what you say now won’t be used against you! But if you were to hazard a guess who would you have chosen as the author of the book?
Keshi: Adeboye without batting an eyelid! He has written several books like Oyedepo but I would still have plunged for him.
Anchor: Then Keshi, you would have lost because the answer is…Olusegun Obasanjo!
Happy birthday, Big Boss!
Cover picture was sourced from www.millionairenigeria.com and photo shopped to taste!
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