TheCable

Marriage is a recognised union between two mature people, mostly a man and a woman. It is an institution held dearly and respected in African traditions. In the old days, our forefathers and parents did not joke about their marriage. When the two people enter into it, they know it is for a lifetime, for better, for worse, till death do them part.

Most of our forefathers practiced polygamous marriage, they married two or more wives irrespective of their religion or tribe. Most people today attribute polygamy to Muslims alone, but that is not true. Christians as well as traditionalists also had more than one wife in those days and there was peace.

It was a big family. The father married all his wives into one house, they met themselves, knew themselves, respected themselves, and lived under one roof. If there was a misunderstanding between anybody, they report to the head of the house and he settles it.

Then came civilisation, we embraced it, accepted it, and were enjoying the better side of it. But gradually, we started throwing away our culture and tradition, we started seeing our own way of life as abnormal, we started making a big deal of the way of life of parents and grandparents.

As a result, many people started keeping secrets, having one wife in Ojodu Berger and another in Surulere. Some have resorted to having baby mamas who are not their formal wives but have children for the man.

The African man can not put off his polygamous nature, but the civilised society can not allow him to front it or own it in public, as his forefathers did, because he is avoiding public condemnation and the dangerous reaction of the wife at home. For most women that are lucky to be aware their husbands have another woman or even child/children elsewhere, it is always jealousy and contention as they continue to fight the reality as many times and ways they can.

Social media is one of the easy and readily available tools they use to vent. They forget that marriage, no matter how challenging it could be at any point in time, is between two people, and in any case, when issues cannot be resolved between the two concerned persons, their parents are the next port of call. If that doesn’t work, respected elderly family friends are to be contacted for resolution.

But for someone, in most cases, the woman, to resort to Facebooking, WhatsApping, Instagramming, and Twittering to expose her marital issues to the world, is nothing but nasty, shameful, and the height of disrespect for the spouse. There are many ways and respectful channels to manage the situation, but going to social media is an indication that you don’t give a damn anymore and you are not interested in a settlement.

Annie Idibia may have her reservations about her spouse, the legendary Innocent (2baba) Idibia, spending nights with his baby mama Pero Adeniyi and their three children under one roof, she may have even discussed it with her husband in the past and expressed her dislike, but calling him out on social media is a no-no. What exactly is the aim? To settle the matter? To let the world know he is still having an affair with the mother of his three kids? To shame him? What exactly is the aim?

This is an action that makes you look so stupid in the face of the world after you finally realised how bad it really is, but you can’t put together a broken egg back to its original state, the damage has been done and will forever be on record.

It is not the first time Annie will display her dislike for Pero on social media, the internet never forgets and the records are there. In July 2018, Macaulay made a post on Instagram appreciating estranged couples who are co-parenting and “who don’t stress the other parents overseeing their kids”. Adeniyi’s relative, Eniola Titiloye, hit back at Macaulay calling her a hypocrite who harasses Adeniyi any time 2baba tries to check on her(Adeniyi’s) kids. Three years earlier, Adeniyi broke the internet when she posted pictures of herself and 2baba kissing passionately at his Rumours nightclub. The pictures went viral.

That marked the beginning of their unending rivalry while their frosty relationship took a front burner. Macaulay became the butt of internet jokes and was compelled to issue a statement.

“I am aware of the photos circulating the Internet with my husband and Pero Adeniyi. …Pero Adeniyi and this momentary indiscretion pose no threat whatsoever to my relationship with my husband. As a matter of fact, for all of our children’s sake, I do encourage cordial relationships with the parties involved. This year, my focus is solely on God, family, and my career which doesn’t give me the luxury of paying attention to any distractions,” Macaulay said in a statement at the time.

It is time for Annie to grow up and accept the reality. Pero is 43 years old already and she even had a child before birthing three for Tuface. I doubt if someone like that will think of getting married to any other man. Tuface was already fathering children with Pero before Annie did. The bond is already established and very strong, especially for a man that loves children, so it is not something internet shaming or nagging or threats, or whatever can stop.

Annie needs to accept the fact that Tuface is old enough to decide what he wants and how he wants to do his thing. She must come to the reality that having three children with someone eternally bonds the two parents, especially if they are in good talking terms. Moreso when Pero Adeniyi has not found her own husband yet.

While the law and society encourage one man, one wife legally, it is silent on punishment for the man who marries another woman out of court. In any case, a woman finds herself in such a quagmire, accepting the reality and finding a way to manage it is the best way to enjoy a healthy long life. If accepting the reality doesn’t give you peace, fighting the other woman wouldn’t either.

Young wives of today must realise they are only doing themselves a disservice if they continue to frown at their husband’s care and attention for his children elsewhere. These kids deserve equal rights to their fathers and that must be respected by all mothers.

Ojoko is a Nigerian journalist and can be reached via [email protected]