TheCable

2020 comes to an end in a day and a half and not soon enough. Phew! What a year it has been. The whole world has been turned upside down! It’s looking like I can’t use enough exclamation marks and at this rate, I may end every sentence or phrase with an exclamation mark! On a more serious note, I doubt that anyone needs convincing as to how horrendous and an ‘Annus horribilis’ Year 2020 has been. For this column Year, 2020 was somewhat productive, managing to be published across two newspapers — Sunday Punch (print & online) and TheCable Newspaper. So, here are some highlights of AIRTIME in 2020.

• Donald Trump, America’s Third World President

…Imagine how many First World countries would’ve been blowing hot if Trump were the president of any country but the US, worse still, president of a third world country. Can you imagine any (Third World country) president casually inciting violence, suppressing voters, and talking about a third term just a few months to the elections?

• Nepotism as a State Policy

In talking about Donald Trump as a Third World president, there are far too many examples to choose from. Even a book wouldn’t do justice. So, I’ll only give a few examples…Unlike other former presidents, he refused to hand over his businesses. He made his daughter Ivanka a White House adviser and appointed her husband Jared Kushner as a senior adviser in the White House. Why not create an Office of the First Daughter and First Son-in-law? Ivanka reportedly received 16 new trademarks from China in 2018 alone for various products such as voting machines. That same 2018, Ivanka and Jared earned $82 million while working at the White House.

If you’re in Nigeria and asking: What’s the big deal? It’s because you’re used to Third World ‘anywhowness’…How is conscripting your daughter and her husband into working for your government (while using same government to further personal business) different from Rochas Okorocha and his son-in-law in Imo State? That is nepotism, of Third World standard.

• Quid Quo Pro Meets Padi-Padi

We move from nepotism to cronyism. Call it quid quo padipadi. Or ‘scratch my back and I scratch yours.’ It’s the same as ‘padi-padi’ (giving favours) although it’s difficult to say whether Trump has real friends.  But give money to his campaign and you could be rewarded with appointments in government which makes everything transactional with Trump or so it seems. Take the case of Gordon Sondland, former US ambassador to the European Union. He reportedly gave a million dollars to the Trump campaign and was actually one of three ambassadors who had donated a million dollars and were made ambassadors. US Postmaster General Louis DeJoy, also a top Trump donor, and his wife Aldona Wos got rewarded. DeJoy with USPS and an ambassadorial posting to Canada for his wife.

• Voter Suppression or Good ol’ Rigging?

Talking about DeJoy, the most Third World of all Trump’s plans is his brazen attempt to discourage and cancel mail-in voting in selected states-usually where he’s not strong. Americans talk about voter suppression, and what not. We call it rigging in these parts. What’s more Third World than trying to dissuade people from voting? How long before Trump upgrades to ballot box snatching? He’s already talked about sending security to polling places…

-First published in The Cable Newspaper, September 2, 2020.

• Nigerian Broadcasting Code:

Why is the NBC Fighting with Investors & the Media?

The National Broadcasting Commission, NBC, recently launched the amended 6^th edition of its Nigerian Broadcasting Code although, before the launch, many stakeholders had complained about some of the proposed amendments. Of particular concern were Section 6.2.8 and Section 9.0.1.  Section 6 deals with the acquisition of sporting rights and section 6.2.8 states: “In the broad national interest, the exclusivity of sporting rights is prohibited.” Section 9 tackles anti-competition and section 9.0.1 caps it up by stating that: “The Broadcaster or licensee should immediately after the coming into force of this Amendment be prohibited from entering into any form of agreement, contract, concerted practices or take any decision which have as their object and intendment the prevention, restriction or distortion of competition in, or in any part of, the broadcast media industry in Nigeria: and for this purpose, no broadcaster or licensee shall enter into any form of broadcasting rights acquisition either in Nigeria or anywhere in the world to acquire any broadcasting right (s) in such a manner as to exclude persons, broadcasters or licensees in Nigeria from sub-licensing the same.” Also, the fine for hate speech was increased from N500k to N5m…

These amendments to the 6th edition of the NBC Code may yet turn out to be just what the doctor had ordered, and the broadcast media industry may experience an unprecedented boost.

Some lawyers and other experts have had a lot to say about how the Code conflates exclusivity with anti-competition and the limits of the NBC Act. But I’m not a lawyer, so, I will not quibble about legal matters. I’m interested in the words and actions of the regulator. And my focus is on a recent interview granted by the acting Director-General (DG) of the NBC, Professor Armstrong Idachaba to The Osasu Show hosted by Osasu Igbinedion on the TOS TV Network.

In the aforementioned interview, Prof. Idachaba gives the impression that the amendments to the Code may actually be punitive measures against certain targeted interests. And although he didn’t answer the question as to whether Nigeria was practising the US or the Chinese model, his jab at capitalists whom he said ‘are very greedy, extremely self-centered, they don’t want to give out” is quite telling. His position is made clearer when he gives what he calls “ideological philosophical understanding of the motives of the policy.” According to the acting DG, the amendments are meant to “redynamise and redistribute wealth in a way that there’ll be more participation, more engagement more opportunity.”  If the acquisition of sporting rights can achieve this, in a Nigeria with epileptic power supply, one must wonder how much progress the provision of a more sustainable infrastructure could yield.

• Dear NBC, Investors are not the Enemy. Or are they?

Prof. Idachaba’s interview essentially excoriated the current crop of investors in the pay-TV sector. Atop this shortlist is Multichoice/operators of DSTV (Digital Satellite Television). They’re seen primarily as foreign because of their South African connections, its Nigerian chairman Dewunmi Ogunsanya notwithstanding. So, when the acting DG complained that there are no Nigerians “active on the pay-TV platform” out of about 30 that the NBC has licensed, it’s easy to see where fingers are being pointed. Now, whether their failure can be blamed on what the DG calls the “monopolistic” tendencies of the greedy capitalist ‘you-know-who’ is another matter. But are sporting rights the only thing a pay-TV platform needs to succeed?

 Still, in the Nigeria vs. Foreigners fight, where “national interest” (which somehow depends on other countries’ sporting rights) is supreme, picking a side is fairly easy.  You would support Nigeria if you are truly patriotic and are interested in wealth redistribution, wouldn’t you? What’s not so easy to understand is how the NBC boss seems to think that Jason Njoku of Iroko TV, who is a Nigerian, doesn’t align with our national interest.

-Published in The Cable Newspaper, August 12, 2020.

• Does God only Speak to Nigerian Pastors about Trump?

I usually don’t like talking about religion or religious leaders. This is because I consider religion to be a private thing not to mention how volatile it has become; I’d rather talk about them privately… However, I must make an exception this week to ask a few questions because of the sheer number of prophecies ostensibly given by God to some men of God (or so they claimed) concerning Donald Trump and the recently concluded US elections. And by some incredible design, all the prophecies gave victory to Trump…It wasn’t enough for Trump, ‘God’s chosen’ to win, Joe Biden, the president-elect, had to be painted as the devil’s incarnate. Kamala Harris, the vice-president-elect was also not left out.

Unfortunately, or (fortunately), things don’t appear to be going the way some Nigerian prophets have said God told them they would go. Does this make them false prophets? The Bible does have some harsh words for false prophets and warns us to beware of them. But who knows, there are still more than 60 (now 21) days to Biden’s expected January 20th inauguration. Meanwhile, people like Pastor Chris Oyakhilome of Christ Embassy believe the reason Trump lost is because of his support for Christians…It’s quite telling that no one can pretend Trump is a true Christian. Or that he’s a good example of a good Christian. The one thing Donald Trump has never lied about is his Christianity which is a feat for someone who has reportedly told over 20, 000 lies.

So, why are Nigerian pastors fixated on Donald Trump and America? Why is God only talking to them about Trump and the US? Is it that they are not asking God about Nigeria or it’s that God prefers America and Trump? Doesn’t God love Nigeria or why isn’t He talking to our prophets about Nigeria? If He is, what then does God say about Nigeria? If ever there was a time to hear from God concerning Nigeria’s myriad problems, that time is now. With all due respect, whatever Father Mbaka has to say doesn’t count.

–Published in The Cable Newspaper, November 18, 2020.

• Zulum’s zigzagging inconsistencies

Professor Babagana Umara Zulum, the Borno State governor is in the news again. A few days ago, on December 6, 2020, Gov. Zulum reportedly declared that the security in Borno… Gov. Zulum was talking to some members of the Arewa Consultative Forum (ACF) in Maiduguri, the Borno State capital. The short of what he said: “The security situation in Borno state and indeed that of the entire North-East sub-region is still far better under Buhari, and this is based on records.” How can anyone dispute this? Zulum is the governor. I have never been to Borno State and any chance of my going there in the immediate future is zero to slim…

However, even though I cannot judge the security situation in Borno State or claim to know it better than its governor, I can look back at a diary of certain incidents involving the good governor which he himself brought to public attention…Let’s begin from July 29, 2020, when Gov. Zulum was allegedly attacked by gunmen suspected to belong to Boko Haram near Baga town, Borno State. In that attempted attack, the governor escaped unharmed and in the immediate aftermath of the attack, Gov. Zulum engaged in a heated conversation with the Army commanding officer according to a Channels TV report.

On September 25, 2020, suspected Boko Haram members attacked Gov. Zulum convoy again while he was travelling near Lake Chad. This time around, although the governor was not hurt, some members of his convoy were not so lucky. There were up to 30 dead bodies including 12 policemen, 5 soldiers, 4 members of the Civilian Joint Task Force (CJTF), and 9 civilians. This attack was condemned by the Inspector General of Police, Mohammed Adamu. Yet again, 2 days later on September 27, 2020, Governor Zulum survived another attack on his way back from resettling IDPs (Internally Displaced Persons).

Bear in mind that none of these attacks involving Gov. Zulum and his security aides include other attacks in Borno State…Suffice it to say that on February 12, 2020, Gov. Zulum, visited the Shehu of Borno’s palace in Maiduguri on to commiserate with the Auno community, about 25 kilometres from Maiduguri. On February 9, 2020 over 30 passengers caught at a military checkpoint on the Auno Highway (as a result of the curfew) were killed, vehicles were burnt and some passengers were reportedly kidnapped. This is different from the July 22, 2020 murder of aid workers by people claiming to be Boko Haram. And that is of course very separate from the attack on August 18, 2020 when suspected Boko Haram terrorists overran Kukawa, kidnapping at least 100 residents…

As Borno State suffered all these attacks, there was increasing sympathy from all parts of Nigeria especially towards Gov. Zulum because he was seen as bold and taking the fight to the insurgents… On July 27, 2020, Col. (rtd) Stan-Lubo while speaking on Channels TV on the Southern Kaduna killings praised Gov. Zulum for moving from one hot point to the other, trying to get the support of the security operatives…

The Sultan of Sokoto, while addressing the fourth quarterly meeting of the Nigeria Inter-Religious Council in Abuja said the North was the worst place to live in Nigeria as bandits were having a field day: “The security situation in Northern Nigeria has assumed a worrisome situation…”

Two days later, the gruesome massacre in Zabarmari, Borno State on November 28, 2020 almost made previous Boko Haram killings pale into insignificance. Over 43 farmers were beheaded, some women suspected to have been kidnapped while no one is quite sure of the exact number of the dead. The United Nations put the number of the dead at 110.

Barely one week after the Zabarmari killings, on December 6, 2020, while talking to Northern elders from the ACF, Gov. Babagana Zulum wanted the world to know that: “The fact is that despite the recent happenings in Borno state, the security situation in Borno state and indeed that of the entire North-East sub-region is still far better under Buhari, and this is based on records… For instance, unlike the years before Buhari when a number of local government were no-go-areas, we now have citizens led by our traditional rulers, safely back to Bama, Gwoza, Askira-Uba, Dikwa, Ngala, Monguno, Kukawa, Damboa, Konduga, Mafa, all of which no one could visit not talk of living there.”

Some of Gov. Zulum’s embellishment is understandable. After all, President Buhari is from the North, and Zulum was talking to Northern elders…But did he have to add Kukawa to the safe towns? As previously mentioned, on August 18, 2020, over 100 people were reportedly kidnapped in Kukawa, right before a military check point. This makes me wonder how truly safe some of the towns mentioned by Gov. Zulum are. In any case, is Zulum’s North-East sub-region not part of the North that the Sultan of Sokoto says is not safe? So, where does Zulum’s narrative fit in?

-Published in The Cable Newspaper December 10, 2020.

• Fashola’s Misdirected Attack on Nollywood 

The occasion was a public lecture organized by the United Action for Change, the fourth edition of this annual event. The theme was “Security of citizens as a social contract.” It’s not clear why the preferred guest speaker was Babatunde Fashola, Minister of Works and Housing. Why is a minister of works and housing speaking about security? Is it because he has been so effective at his real job? Even if Fashola were in charge of Nigeria’s security, what kind of insensitivity or tone-deafness makes a supposed leader single out a critical segment of the country for blame on something as fundamental as kidnapping and ritual killing?

Fashola reportedly said: “Some people believe that if you get a man’s head or a woman’s body parts, they could be turned into money. It’s not true… However, it has become a reinforced belief through entertainment, social media and Nollywood…”

     What does Fashola think Nollywood is? Nollywood is the world’s third (sometimes second) largest producer of movies. Even if you don’t care about this ranking, you should know that in 2014 when Nigeria’s economy was rebased (or reassessed), Nollywood reportedly contributed over $6 billion to the GDP, more than doubling the country’s economy. Nollywood employs thousands of people, to put it modestly. More serious countries are looking for ways to promote their film/entertainment industries.

–Published in The Sunday Punch February 16, 2020.

• Will Nigeria’s Political Comedians Stand Up?

Perhaps, stand out is a better word. In every show, there’s always some comedian attempt a political joke. So it isn’t that they are not making any attempt. Still. Imagine the goldmine that’s Femi Adesina and Garba Shehu, combined or solo, you can even throw in people like Lauretta Onochie who appears to have been muted…

 Speaking of which, MC Tagwaye already ’owns’ Buhari. I’m also reminded that MC Tagwaye needs more content. It’s not enough that he sounds, uncannily so, like President Buhari. He needs to think up more robust material, etc. I know this might be a little difficult when the subject himself is not known for being robust. But that’s where creativity and imagination come in handy. Just think: What Would Bubu Do? What Would Ayade Do (Ayade of the “Budget of Olimpotic Meristemasis” fame). What Would Dino Do? (Honorable Fighting Dino or Honorable Singing Dino, pick your choice). And what about Magu? I daren’t suggest the many things you can do with the name alone.

Needless to say, I’m not trying to get anyone jailed for treason-treason being the resort of those who lack reasoning. The fact is there’s quite a rich source to produce great political material here. Before the auditions begin, let me add that the sort of political comedian I’m looking for has to be super intelligent. I’m not looking for barroom jokes. What the person would be offering is ‘informed commentary’ in the form of very funny jokes. Think Trevor Noah. Fortunately, there’s a newspaper cartoonist, Mike Asukwo, who’s already doing this: marrying comedy and commentary pretty well. The icing would be if this political comedian can also do good impressions. Sadly, I have yet to see exceptional mimicry of Nigerian public figures, not even of those who should be easy to imitate.

-Published in The Sunday Punch February 23, 2020.

• Who’s writing Netflix’s Nollywood subtitles?

Getting subtitles right can be a challenge. All you have to do is check some of the subtitles on Nollywood, Kannywood and Yoruba films…However, my concern today is the subtitling of Nigerian and other African films on Netflix. When Fifty (directed by Biyi Bandele) became the first Nigerian film to appear on Netflix sometime in late 2015 or early 2016 (I’m not sure of the exact date), there were many noticeable errors, some as prominent as writing wrong names for characters. For instance, Kemi ‘Lala’ Akindoju’s character’s name Chichi is mangled to something unrecognizable. It’s only in the credits that the correct name becomes clear.

 It’s 2020. We now even have a bonafide Netflix Naija. Why do we still have incorrect subtitles? Or rather, (still) so many incorrect subtitles? Is it Netflix or should we hold filmmakers responsible?  Mind you, my main concern is not the translation of any Nigerian language to English but the correct representation of the English being spoken in our films correctly. Now, you may be asking why I enable my subtitles seeing the language being spoken is English? Most of the time, it’s a carryover from watching some other non-English content. Which is just as well, otherwise, I would’ve missed this in Living in Bondage: “When you have no offence or facts to challenge his intellectual know-how, you ‘result’ to report the colonizers.’ This sounds like some of the subtitles in Yoruba and Hausa films.  Also, when characters are speaking Pidgin English, we’re told they are speaking Igbo.

 In Sugar Rush (directed by Jade Osiberu), granted the film has its own fair share of grammatical errors that didn’t come from Netflix. Gina (Toke Makinwa) says to the Sugar sisters: “So, you kill my father and “carted away with one million dollars of my money.” At some point in the film, she also says: “You don’t know half of it” (Should be ‘You don’t know the half of it’). And when Idowu Philips ‘Iya Rainbow,’ Mrs. Sugar says: “I won’t be around for long much,” I don’t know what to think. Nonetheless, it’s the subtitling of Andy’s (Tobi Bakre) “Heh, God” to ‘He-goat’’ that finally makes me speechless. Literally the GOAT of subtitles!

The Perfect Picture: 10 years later (directed by Shirley Frimpong-Manso) has even more problems. In addition to words like herbs being changed to help’s, the film has a truck load of what I call a rash of apostrophes. Apostrophes appear almost everywhere an ‘s’ ends a word, for example: “Your mother say’s you’re not doing well” Dede (Lydia Forson) to Nigel (Raphael Boakye)…

–Published in The Sunday Punch July 12, 2020.

• Hushpuppi, Daddy Freeze and our hypocrisy

I have resisted jumping on the righteousness bandwagon that has emerged since the June 10 arrest of Hushpuppi, also known as Raymond Igbalodely or Ramoni Igbalode, or Ramon Olorunwa Abbas. As you may have heard, the man described as a Malaysia-based philanthropist was reportedly arrested by the Dubai Police in the UAE over allegations of fraud. Now, almost everyone has something to say against the man which makes make one wonder who then has been hailing all the Hushpuppis of Nigeria?

According to Daddy Freeze (Ifedayo Olarinde), Radio personality and self-proclaimed spiritual leader, he’s not an ordinary fan but part of Hushpuppi’s “family.”  He declared this during his visit to Hushpuppi’s Palazzo Versace home in Dubai. The result of that visit is a documentary posted on Youtube about 8 months ago. Naturally, in the wake of Hushpuppi’s arrest, that documentary took on a new life as many attacked Daddy Freeze. He defends himself by saying that he wasn’t aware of any fraudulent businesses.

I have no problem with Daddy Freeze giving viewers the exclusive access into Hushpuppi or any celebrities’ homes. Lots of people are interested in how the rich and famous live and someone has got to do the job. Daddy Freeze always prides himself as having access where others don’t. I enjoyed watching him interview Timaya at home which may have the musician’s first-time allowing cameras into his house. Anyway, before Hushpuppi’s arrest he had followers among the who’s who. They were all on hand to hail him on social media which doesn’t mean they were part of any shady dealings he may have been involved in.

The real issue I have is with Daddy Freeze’s conduct during his chat with Hushpuppi and by conduct, I mean his unprovoked attacks on perceived Hushpuppi detractors and men of God like David Oyedepo and Enoch Adeboye. Daddy Freeze was completely in charge of the tone of that conversation. He could’ve decided to use that opportunity to shed more light on his businesses. Instead, he seemed more overcome by the spirit of covetousness, a term I’m sure he can relate to as the Bible scholar he often calls himself, as he ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ over shoes, cars and other flashy items at the Palazzo Versace.

At some point, on hearing that Hushpuppi’s driver earns N700k a month, Daddy Freeze then took a swipe at those querying the source of Hushpuppi’s wealth. He called them people who earn N35k and hide behind their keyboards and advised them instead to bring their fathers so they can work as drivers for Hushpuppi, or words to that effect…Daddy Freeze knew he was filming for the public but didn’t care. Even if Hushpuppi were the new Aliko Dangote, the way Daddy Freeze conducted himself during that ‘tour’ was uncalled for.

–Published in The Sunday Punch July 5, 2020.

• Akpabio’s uncommon misogyny

Senator Godswill Obot Akpabio is Nigeria’s minister for Niger Delta Affairs. He was a two-term governor of Akwa Ibom from 2007-2015. This period gave birth to the slogan ‘uncommon transformation’ He’s been in the news lately in relation to the Niger Delta Development Commission, NDDC, specifically concerning allegations made by Joy Nunieh, the former acting MD of the NDDC interim management committee. The NDDC is supervised by the Niger Delta Affairs ministry. Nunieh had made all sorts of allegations bordering on the award of fraudulent contracts and something about swearing an oath of secrecy, an offer she claims to have rejected. But let’s not get bogged down by Nunieh’s allegations.

Nonetheless, it’s sufficient to understand that it was in response to Nunieh’s allegations that Akpabio appeared on ‘Arise News Night’ hosted by Ngozi Alegbu on Arise TV. Her first question to Akpabio after introducing him, what many would call a soft ball, was: “What is the Niger Delta of your dreams?” I imagine she’d wanted to allow him space to present himself to the audience in the best light possible. She actually said that was very good place to start.

But the honourable minister had other ideas as he jumped in: “Let me thank Arise TV and at the same time not to show my displeasure but to say that it is important that we undertake investigative journalism (who’s we?) It’s not every news that we must air…I’m just seeing that of Caroline Nabor (?) where my sister Joy Nunieh (really, his sister?) was on TV yesterday. It was full of diatribes and things that were unprintable (just as well I didn’t print his sister’s allegations). And then that lady also a member of the interim committee of NDDC. And she also gave interview but it was not aired, the other one went viral because good news flies very far or good news does not go very far-it’s only bad news that sells so…” Ngozi Alegbu tried unsuccessfully to remind him that he now had the opportunity to set the record straight.

Akpabio continued: “Arise is such an international set up, so it’s such a beautiful television studio channel that you must investigate most of your content that comes before you so…” The host responded: “Absolutely. That’s why we have given you the opportunity to be here tonight to respond to these rather weighty allegations.” All that time, he’s trying to interrupt her: “Initially, I wasn’t going to come because I don’t see those allegations as weighty. I see it as, erm, ranting of a disgruntled former MD who does not know that offices come and go. The Niger Delta of my dream…” Phew! Can you believe this is just the opening minutes of the interview? He then spent the rest of his answer talking about his achievements as governor of Akwa Ibom…

 It was soon time to respond to Nunieh: “I’m not supposed to join issues with her because I’m a minister of the federal republic. And by the way, I was minority leader of the 8th senate. By choice I did what they call uncommon defection to join a man of incorruptible character President Muhammadu Buhari. And I joined him in an earthquake form and he won the election with landslide… And by the way, let me just point out…that no matter the allegation, I wish she will maybe go to a hospital, see a doctor, and then get maybe some injection and then relax.”

Ngozi Alegbu then asked: “Are you saying there’s something wrong with her?”  The uncommon minister responded: “I’m not saying there’s something wrong with her. I’m saying there’s something wrong with her temperament. Because you don’t need to ask me, you can ask about 4 of her husbands that she married…You need to bring all former husbands at least bring 4 of them that she has married in the past to this studio so that you can ask them questions, one after the other. Because it looks like a character problem.”

There’s so much wrong with this interview…How can any serious government representative mishandle such a golden opportunity to present his own side? And the attempt to slut shame Nunieh though sadly not uncommon, is cheap. A case where a woman is reduced to how many husbands she’s married…

–Published in The Sunday Punch July 19, 2020.

NO COMMENT

“But when you say ‘cannot be’, you’re already putting a cover. And I’m a spiritual person. You cannot say such things. We have pastors and Imams that will break the yoke. You can’t say it won’t be when Lagos makes an IGR of over 30 billion every month. You can’t hear about unpaid salaries or pension. You see projects coming up, investors, and investment coming. We are the fifth-largest economy in Africa. So why will you say Edo can’t be Lagos because you are trying to sell an idea? Let me tell you something, loyalty is important…”

A godfather always tries to look after the interest of his people. I’m a product of godfatherism but Tinubu has never for one day asked me to do something you know would be detrimental. It’s progressive. So, let him (Obaseki) not castigate the whole thing. If not for godfatherism, would he be where he is today?” •Desmond Elliot

–Published in The Cable Newspaper, September 16, 2020.

“We have zero tolerance to corruption in the EFCC…Corruption is the biggest strategy to humankind…Corruption is worse than all the diseases now running about. And I strongly believe, Your Excellency (Buhari), that even the coronavirus is caused by corruption.”

-Ibrahim Magu, (then) Acting Chairman of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC)-

*FYI: Coronavirus, officially named COVID-19, which broke out in Wuhan in Hubei province of China in December 2019 has infected over 74,675 persons in China alone and at least 2,121 deaths, according to the WHO (World Health Organization).

–-Published in The Sunday Punch February 23, 2020.

“The increasing figures across the country is a geometrical progression. And we know that in a geometrical progression, if you don’t do what is necessary, it will become an exponential increasement. It will, er, er, be like an exponential increasement because from geometric, it will go farther than, it will now go into, er, exponential. So, the reason why this thing is happening is because people are not adapting to the isolation, er, er, rules. They said when you go in isolation for 2 weeks or 3 weeks, the COVID-19 pandemic and all the symptoms would go. If you abide by the rules and regulations of what the NCDC provided, it will be okay. It will now become decrease; it will decrease exponentially…

Mathematicians are the solutions of this country. Many people, they are put the square peg in a square hole but it’s not so. It’s now square peg in a round hole. Why don’t you make sure the mathematicians so evidenced in the solution of this country? But we are all relegated.”

• Professor Francis Osagiede was interviewed by Peter Oyibo for NTA Benin last week.

–Published in The Sunday Punch May 3, 2020.   

COME AGAIN?

How many COVIDs make COVID-19?

The other day, when Nigeria’s President Buhari finally addressed the country on the corona virus pandemic, he called it COVIK 1/9. This gaffe was met with international mockery.  I wondered why no one wrote it out as Nineteen for him. He has since corrected himself. Meanwhile, somewhere in America, ‘greatest country in the world’, someone thinks we have had many other cases of corona viruses which must be the reason it’s called COVID-19. That person is none other than Kellyanne Conway, senior adviser to the US President Donald J. Trump. While on Fox & Friends to defend her boss, she had this to say: “Some of the scientists and doctors say that there could be other strains later on. This could come back in the fall in a limited way. This is COVID-19, not COVID-1 folks. And so, you would think the people charged with the World Health Organization facts and figures would be on that. This is just a pause now. So, there is an investigation to what happened. But people should know the facts.” Kellyanne was trying to spin President Trump’s stoppage of funds to the WHO but surely this is spinning gone wrong.

 –Published in The Sunday Punch April 19, 2020.

“From my experience, it is practically impossible to misappropriate public funds unless you want to have a visit to Chief Magun in EFCC. Remember there are seasoned civil servants who work in all these places.’

-Hon Ben-Chuks Nwosu, former Speaker, Anambra House of Assembly, on Arise News, Wednesday May 27, 2020.

Hon Ben-Chuks Nwosu was reacting to the Executive Order 10 of 2020 signed by Major-Gen (rtd) Buhari. He was in support of the executive order which grants financial autonomy for states legislature and the Judiciary. I instinctively did a double take at this headline. It’s practically impossible to misappropriate public funds? Is that because ‘they’ don’t see the funds as public but personal assets? After all, Abacha loot is being transformed, right before our very eyes, into assets. Or so it was reported. And the reason for this inability to misappropriate public funds rests on ‘seasoned civil servants.” ‘C’Evil’ servants, really?

–Published in The Sunday Punch May 31, 2020.

“The president does read. And he also consumes intelligence verbally. This president, I’ll tell you, is the most informed person on Planet Earth when it comes to the threats that we face.”

-Kayleigh McEnany, US White House Press Secretary on President Trump, MSNBC, June 30, 2020.

First, if you have to say someone does read, there’s already a problem. But that Donald Trump is the most informed person on Planet Earth is a big stretch. He certainly doesn’t sound like he’s very informed, not about US history and definitely not about geography.  I suppose McEnany’s Nigerian counterparts can learn a thing or two from her?

Published in The Sunday Punch July 5, 2020.

Onoshe Nwabuikwu, AIRTIME columnist is a renowned TV/Film critic, and Film scholar. She also has experience in Advertising as a senior Copywriter and Corporate Communications as Communications consultant. Email: [email protected]